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Narcissa helps Vincent to see the LightAfter Oblivion this was the second story I wrote for fanfiction.
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Tunnel VisionChapter One
Vincent staggered across the park unseeing, the pain of his desire, the longing for fulfilment too colossal to bear, blinded as he was by the frustration of having denied himself yet again the right to love her.
His footsteps heavy Vincent lurched forwards to grasp hold of the door lever at the tunnel entrance. Stumbling over the threshold, he slumped against the wall, and slithered down to the sandy floor. There his body, with a mind numb and bereft of thought, cried out in anguish.
It was always the same these days; the love they had shared had turned sour. Bitter from the constant warring going on between them like some poisonous, lethal gas emitted by their desire for one another and his constant denials to assuage that need.
It could never be!
What she wanted of him was impossible.
Hadn’t Father told him? Hadn’t Father convinced him that a physical relationship between himself and any woman would be impossible? But he didn’t need Father to convince him of the fact. The very depth of the knowledge of his own make-up convinced him that when lost to the passion the beast inside him could kill. Did kill. Hadn’t his rages proved that?
And he could not risk it, not even for her, not even when her eyes begged him to love her. Not even when her body cried out to his for fulfilment, could he give in to his desires and love her as her body screamed out to be loved.
And he did want to love her. He wanted it more than anything. But the fear, the terror that held him captive, enslaved him. Bound him to ignore the pleadings of her eyes. Drove him away from her every time and Vincent did not know for how much longer either of them could stand the strain.
Trembling now, his body relaxed from his perilous flight across the park, and with bittersweet torment he allowed himself to open the Bond he shared with her, needing to know her feelings. But he was unprepared for the barrage of emotions that flooded his senses from her to him, as her own desires mounted the fine tip of an arrow, flying to embed straight into his heart. Vincent moaned, shaking his great and mighty head, to clear his mind of the mists that threatened to suck him down into oblivion, as he forced himself to stand and stagger his way forwards, along the familiar tunnels that would lead him home.
What could he do?
Was there no way out? Would it be forever like this, now?
He could not bear to lose her, yet he could not be what she needed him to be. Where was the way forward? Where was the open door that would take them over and beyond this stage in their life that brought such searing pain to them both? There had to be a way, and he had to find it for both their sakes.
Reaching the safety of his chamber, he was pleased to find Father had not waited up for him, he needed the solitude right now to set about unravelling his own thoughts, without his father adding to his reasoning. He knew that Father cared deeply for him, but he did not need any reminders, not this night, of the impossibility of his and Catherine’s relationship.
Crashing down upon the bed, he ran fingers over his weary brow, furrowed deep with pain, and tried to grasp hold of the image of his evening with her, which like so many these past few months had ended in despair.
After three long and beautiful years together, something had stimulated within each of them the desire for more. When the delicious embraces had no longer been enough. When the aura of her presence and her scent had assaulted his senses, bringing forth the shame of his desire, he had forced himself to stand back, and keep his arms down at his sides whenever he had arrived on her balcony. The pain in her eyes was evident at no longer being enfolded in his arms in a welcome greeting, yet he could not trust himself now to touch her.
Her very presence vibrated its needs across the gap between the two of them as it was. He did not need the powerful stimulant of closeness with her to know how his body shamed him.
Just being there with her was enough.
He lost count of the number of times he had been grateful for his cloak to shield his tormented body from her all seeing eyes. And he knew that as long as it was this way, their hungry desire for one another was slowly killing them both.
Yet he did not need to be within her physical presence to know how her hunger stalked him. Through their connection he could feel her constantly, she the hunter, he the hunted. Unintentionally her body craved his to such a degree, that even she was unaware of how the Bond vibrated with her longing, making it virtually impossible for him to close down upon it.
Night and day his body was buffeted by her desires, he could get no peace from it, nor did he want to do. In some agonising delightful way he glorified in it. This beautiful woman that desired him so, was a miracle beyond comprehension.
The evening had started out like any other. Drawn like a magnet, he had gone to her willingly. She had been polite, too polite, as the need for physical union, now so strong forced away every other thought from both their minds. And they had stood there, facing one another, unable to touch lest they be burned, unable to speak freely, lest they say something they would regret. Each holding under tight restraint the need to love and be loved.
And then she had dropped the bombshell!
“I saw Elliot today.”
Vincent’s head had jerked back, his eyes searching her face for clues. Such a small remark yet so full of depth and meaning.
His eyes had been mere slits, hiding the emotion those few words had stirred within his soul. The whirlpool had spun him round and round, and made him stagger, so that he had to grasp the balcony wall behind him for support.
Catherine seemed not to notice though as she went on, “He asked if I might have dinner with him, tomorrow evening.”
What was she trying to do to him!
Unable to contain himself he had been forced to reply barely audibly, “And what did you tell him?”
Catherine paced the room, something she had picked up from Vincent himself. This caged, trapped beast that paced like a lion between bars, more often of late than ever before.
Vincent knew the answer from her body language even before she uttered the words, “I agreed.” Her eyes were unable to meet his.
Vincent felt the fury rising up like a tidal wave. Through him and over him and he brought his fist hard down onto the small table that stood upon the balcony, smashing it clean in two. “Why Catherine!” He seethed, making her flinch and cower away from him. Bringing him shame, bringing him remorse for his actions, as she whispered, “I don’t know why, I just heard myself agreeing that I would.”
His body shook, no longer from anger, but with an emotion that drove him blindly away from her, over the wall and out of sight without a backward glance.
Now back in the safety of familiar surroundings, Vincent regretted his earlier behaviour, his inability to control himself.
What must Catherine think of him?
Collecting his thoughts together, he had to know, had to know what had driven her to accept another man’s invitation, not just to dinner. Didn’t Elliot love her too? Dinner alone would not satisfy Elliot. Vincent knew it, Elliott knew it, and what was more Catherine knew it too. He could not allow her to see Elliot, and if he waited to stop her it would be too late.
Pulling on his boots, and flinging his cloak back around his shoulders he ran from his warm chamber, along the chilly tunnels, and plunged himself back out into the cold night air that assaulted his throat and lungs with icy fingers, but still he drove himself onwards.
Riding the elevator eighteen floors to her balcony, Vincent tapped upon the door, watching her startled expression, as she uncurled herself from within her pain to open the door and allow him entry.
“Vincent!”, the small voice shook, “I thought you’d be home by now.”
“I was.”
“Yet you came back?” she licked her dry lips.
“Yes.”
His eyes bore into her own. “Catherine...I...” What could he say?
What right did he have to say anything?
Hadn’t he insisted that she should find someone else to love?
What right had he to take it back now that she had listened to him and done as he’d asked at last?
“Yes, Vincent, you what?”
“I should never have come.”
He turned to leave her then, but she raced after him, caught his sleeve, held him back, “Vincent.... you are here now. Please Vincent, stay.” her words, agonised, tore at his soul.
“No.....” he broke down then, his body slumping down to the floor, “Catherine please,” he begged. For what was he asking, he did not know? Only that he needed her. Needed to be with her. For once though not sexually. He just needed the comfort of her. The way it used to be between them.
“I’m here Vincent.” Catherine told him, her eyes limpid pools of love, bending down to enfold him in her embrace. The scent of her enflamed him, yet just to have her close after so long of keeping a distance was bliss, and he lost himself within her. Allowing the beauty of her love to envelop him.
It was healing to the searing pain that had threatened to suffocate him.
“Catherine”, he begged her, “Please, please don’t do this thing.”
For a moment, Catherine did not understand. To Vincent, the conversation they had started earlier was still underway, so it took Catherine a moment or two to know what he meant, and in that time, he took her silence for one of taking time to make a decision, and it broke his heart.
The pain she read in his eyes, touched her soul, and the intensity to love him, to wash away his fears, his doubts, his needs was so strong, that she found herself drawn to kiss him.
Bringing her face within inches of his own, he watched her through hungry eyes, and hope flared. Hope along with the fear of what a simple kiss would ignite. He could not allow it, too afraid was he of where it would lead them, and he struggled to free himself of her embrace.
“Vincent No! No more,” she cried, as her hand caught hold of his chin, forcing him to look at her, and she brought her lips down upon his, savage, demanding, passionate ...and oh so wonderful! Vincent’s head swam with delight, with love and more. Yes, with anticipation.
As her kiss deepened, he wound his arms around her, clutching her head with his hand returning her kiss, as wave after wave of desire washed over him, and his entire body weakened to an extent that he had never believed possible. And then the shrill of the telephone cut through the moment, and they suddenly drew apart.
Unable to reach it in time, the answer machine picked up the call, and Elliot’s voice filled the room. “Hi Cathy, its Elliot. Just wanted to tell you how happy you have made me this day, in accepting my invitation for tomorrow evening, I hope you can still make it. I’ll pick you up at seven. Bye.”
Catherine and Vincent stared at one another, eyes locked and expressionless, it was a strain just to breath. “I love you Vincent.” Catherine whispered, “Please, stay with me tonight.” Her eyes told him of her need, her words expressed it, but still he couldn’t, not even after the kiss that had held so much promise, he could not be what she needed him to be.
“No!” again he denied her, “I cannot. I should never have come.”
Regretfully, his heart breaking, Vincent knew that this was the end. The end of their dream. It had to be.
There was no getting past this stage in their lives. No other mellow side to reach because while the desire stood between them it would only continue to grow until it destroyed them.
“I love you Catherine, but what you ask is more than I can give. And you deserve better.” he told her shaking his head. “You need someone like Elliot.”
“What are you saying?” Catherine held onto his arm, as he struggled to stand, and the mere touch of her hand burned through the fabric of his sleeve.
“It has to end Catherine, before it is too late for either of us.” He told her his voice trembling.
“No! Vincent!” the anguish in her voice seared his soul. He had to remain strong for both their sakes. “Go to Elliot, Catherine. He can give you the life that you were born for, the...” but he was unable to finish, the words stuck in his throat. He wanted to tell her that Elliot could give what her body craved, but the words along with the thought of it would not take shape. For he did not want to see them form within his mind, his Catherine with another man? In that way, never!
Tears stung at his eyes, and he pulled away from her, unable to bear the sight of her own tears coursing down her cheeks. Unable to bear a moment longer with her, as she clung to him, and he had to prise her fingers away, watching her flinch with the pain his claws brought to her skin.
Still she reached for him, imploring him, “Vincent don’t do this, I cannot live without you. I’ll do anything, anything but not that, Vincent please, let me live in your world, I need to be with you.”
Tears filling his eyes, Vincent tried to shut out her words, “Catherine don’t make it any harder than it already is. I love you, but we cannot go on like this, and in time the pain will lessen, and you will see it was for the best. I must go, be happy Catherine, and know this, that I will always, always love you.”
He dragged himself, then, away from her, climbing over the balcony as she held on tightly to his cloak, “I cannot live without you Vincent, I’d rather be dead.” He stopped then, her words cutting straight through him, “Don’t say that! You have everything to live for. You must live, for us, for our dream, if you should die, I would die too.” He shook his head sadly.
“Then don’t go Vincent, never leave me. You don’t know what it is you ask of me. I am nothing without you, and am as good as dead the moment you go.”
“Catherine, I must. The beast within me, you do not understand him, as I understand him, he desires you Catherine. It is he that desires you and compels me to love you. I fear for you Catherine if I stay. I cannot control the beast, and unrestrained passion would only set him free.”
“And what of the man Vincent, does he not desire me also? What of me? Where is the beast that drives me? If your passion can be matched against mine, then where is the beast in me?” she spoke softly, and for a moment Vincent relented. But then reason took over in his mind. And he knew having made the declaration of what was best for them both he had to leave. And believing he was right, coupled with the fact that Catherine had already agreed to see Elliot, (which must give rise to something surely - even if she could not yet see it,) he knew that their dream was over.
He had to sever their relationship, for now unto eternity. It was for the best.
And he left her then, without another word. Over the wall, and down to the ground, out into the night, hearing through the Bond, the wails of her anguish. And her grief tore him apart.
*** *** ***Chapter Two
Elliot was early, the sound of the doorbell ringing at ten minutes to seven had Catherine frozen to the spot. Outside it was dark, and she had hoped that Vincent would come, hoped he would come back to persuade her not to see Elliot, but to return with him to his world, never to return to her own. And she would have gone with him willingly, turning her back on everything she had ever known, to be with him, forever.
All day she had tried to contact Elliot, but he was unobtainable. And had not returned the messages she had left with his secretary. Did he know she wanted to change her mind, but refused to accept this? The very fact that the ever punctual Elliot was ten minutes early showed in itself he was restless about something, and when she finally opened the door, the anxiety in his eyes spoke of that fact. “You aren’t ready,” it was a statement more than a question.
“No.” she told him, unable to know what else to say.
“You’ve changed your mind.” she caught the sorrow of those words.
“Yes. I’m sorry Elliot, I should never have agreed. It was wrong of me.”
Disregarding her apology, he told her, “I can alter the time of the reservation, make it for eight thirty instead. You still have time to get ready. Please Cathy, change your mind. I’ve thought of nothing else all day.”
Blackmail tactics. “Neither have I Elliot, but for another reason, I tried calling you all day to tell you I would not be coming out to dinner with you, not tonight or any night. I’m sorry Elliot. I know how you feel about me, it would be wrong to raise your hopes on something that could never be.” She smiled then, the last few words haunting in its reminder, and Elliot caught her smile. Endearing her to him, “Cathy please, just this once. Just one evening, just for old times sake, if nothing else.”
Catherine drew in a deep breath. What was she doing? Whether or not Elliot had received her messages and ignored them, she could not be sure, but had he not, where were her manners? He had booked the restaurant, anticipated an evening in her company, and what harm could it do to accept? Just this once?
Opening the door wider, she beckoned him inside, “Give me twenty minutes. I need to get changed.” she told him, showing him to a seat, “But know this Elliot, its only for this evening, don’t go getting any other ideas. This isn’t the beginning of where we left off before.”
A smile that lit up his eyes, and would once have set her pulses racing, told of his pleasure at her change of heart. He took the seat she offered, telling her, “Thank you Cathy, you won’t regret this I promise,” while in his heart of hearts he hoped to use this evening to persuade her to see him again and again. He loved her so much.
Beneath the city streets, within his chamber Vincent paced from wall to wall. Picking up on her thoughts through the Bond, he was torn between blind jealousy and sorrow, as he sifted through her emotions. Worry, sadness and then a lightness of spirit. Not so much hope, but something that brought her out of the despair she had sunk into, and checking the clock on the shelf, he did not need to see the time, but looking nonetheless he knew it was seven o’clock, and knew that Elliot would have arrived. So Catherine hadn’t put Elliot off at all, and that to Vincent, could mean only one thing!
Had he of felt that she was alone this evening, had he of been sure that she had contacted Elliot and broken their date, he might have gone to her, he might have? He shook his head, he would have, for the pull on the magnetism that bound them together was too strong to be denied. Now he didn’t know what to think. The fact that she had taken him at his word, and had still met Elliot, less than twenty- four hours after pledging her undying love, brought a fresh wave of pain too colossal to bear. Flinging on his cloak Vincent ran then through the familiar tunnels of his world, seeking solace in the only place he knew of where he might attain peace. Down beside the waterfall.
Elliot was good company. The perfect gentleman and had a great sense of humour. And it had seemed such a long time since Catherine had found anything to laugh about. The joy it brought thrilled her. So when Elliot asked if he might see her again, Catherine took only moments to hesitate, and answer, what harm would it do? Hadn’t Vincent made it plain, that between them it was over? And besides could she really stand the pain of lonely nights on her own? Not only that, but the despair that their relationship had left her with of late was ruining her life. Her very existence was in danger because of it, and Elliot loved her, he would not hurt her, so perhaps he was the tonic that she so desperately needed. Thus talking herself into it, she found herself agreeing, and then instantly regretting that she had.
Elliot was thrilled, bending his head as he brought his lips to her own, outside the door of her apartment, Vincent felt everything when Elliot’s lips met Catherine’s and pain seared his soul. And though Catherine did not respond to the kiss, he felt something stir within her, a feather light response which fuelled her desire and tugged at the pit of her stomach.
Groaning, Vincent stood, wishing to fling himself into the abyss, and had he been sat beside that part of the underground world he may have done. Instead, he moved away from the waterfall, and continued on his descent deep into the bowels of the earth, seeking now, the only person who may be able to rescue him, from himself. Narcissa.
“Come in child,” her voice welcomed him as he reached her chamber a few hours later, “What took you so long?”
“Nothing ever escapes you does it Narcissa?” his words spoken without emotion saddened her.
“Your soul cries out to me Vincent. For months you have sought answers. Why did you torment yourself so? The answer lies before you, you don’t need me to tell you what it is.”
Passing a hand across his troubled brow, Vincent could only disagree, “Be it that the answer were before me Narcissa I would not have this pain.”
“But it is child. Why do you deny yourself her love. Has the Father implanted in you a fear so strong to believe the lies of men, against the truth of your heart. Vincent let me ask you, do you love this woman?”
“More than life.” he groaned.
“Then believe me child, love never fails. It is a perfect bond of union. And you do not need to fear that love Vincent, for there is no hatred in love.”
“It is not hatred I fear.”
“Is it not?”
“No. Narcissa what are you driving at?”
“Then who is the hatred for?”
Vincent thought her words through, and he knew the answer, “I hate him, my other self, the beast inside.”
“Why?”
His eyes opened wide, and he laughed mercilessly, “Narcissa, even you do not need me to answer that question for you!”
“Then answer it for yourself Vincent.”
Analysing her words, Vincent dwelt deep inside himself searching for the key to unlock the answer, as slowly he began to comprehend, maybe her presence had something to do with it, but he suddenly understood what she was opening his eyes to, himself!
“I am the beast. And I am the man, yet I also feel as if I am someone separate.” he whispered.
“And you hate yourself?”
“No, no I don’t hate myself. Yet I hate what it is I desire.”
“Other people’s lies again. Vincent, everybody is made up of two people. Whomever our parents were, we feel like one or either or both of these people. Sometimes there is a tendency to lean towards one more than the other. Often it is an inward fight that we have, almost as if a third person, ourselves, is striving to break free from bondage to those that created us. And this holds us back, and can be a traumatic experience. But always, always it is the truth of our own minds that we must follow only heeding the wisdom of those that created us. On either side of you Vincent you have the beast and the man, but it is only a mere shell of what you are. Of what you are inside, of what you could become, with her.”
Vincent shook his head trying to maintain some semblance of reality within his mind.
“You do not believe me?”
“I want to do.”
“But still you need to be convinced. You come here looking for a sign, or a vision, when the answer stares you in the face.”
“If only I could see it.”
“You will see it Vincent, if you have the courage to take what is freely offered.”
“How can I, Catherine is seeing someone else now. It is too late for me.”
“That depends on you. You wanted visions Vincent, I’ll give you visions. Not of what you could be with her, but of what she could be with him. You wanted her to have a ‘normal’ life Vincent, millions of people have normal lives it doesn’t always make them happy. Take this powder Vincent, allow it to show you the life you have set her on with this other man, and if afterwards you still believe a life with you would be worse than that, then come and see me again, otherwise…”
“Otherwise?”
“Live the vision Vincent, and then you will know.”
Vincent took the snippet of paper from her in which contained the powder, “Mix it with a little water and drink it, only be alone when you use it Vincent, don’t let Father worry about the effects it will put you under.”
“Will it make me dangerous?”
“No, but it would be wiser to be by yourself. You must let the drug take its course, and nothing must disturb you while you are under its effects. If you wish you can remain near here with me.”
“Yes I would appreciate that. Some medication has a violent reaction against me. It’s best that someone is near.”
“As you like Vincent, but I can assure you, you will suffer no ill effects.”
“And this drug will make me see things? Would it do no less for someone else?”
“What you are saying Vincent is, will the drug bring forth images and pictures the same for you as any man who uses it? The answer is no, it is not the drug that gives you visions, it only helps to free the mind of the chains the heart has placed around it. The drug frees logic Vincent, to what your mind knows to be right, but what your heart refuses to believe. And it allows you to chose which one you wish to follow.”
“I have always been led to believe that I should follow my heart Narcissa. Have I been mislead?”
“ Yes and no child, but along with that saying you should also know this one, and weigh one against the other when making your choice, ‘The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. And who can know it?’ (Jeremiah 17 v 9).
“Narcissa you are confusing me.”
“Then it is time to take the powder Vincent, and let your heart see what your head knows to be right, and in so doing you will find the key to the answers you seek. Come now Vincent, for your future is racing ahead without you.”
*** *** ***Chapter Three
While Vincent waited for the drug to take effect he made himself comfortable, gathering some rugs that Narcissa had offered him and a large cushion, he settled himself down inside a large tunnel just outside of her chamber, and waited. He knew all the tunnels well, but never had he seen this one from this vantage point. It was long like the rest, the rocks grey and bland, just like all the others that were void of Elizabeth’s magic fingers, yet it was the ceiling that startled him. It was almost violet in colour, and he wondered what deposits were overhead, perhaps within a cavern above. While he thought about this, a movement caught his eye, from far off down the tunnel itself, and turning his attention to it, his heart leapt to see Catherine walking towards him. Starting to rise to welcome her, he hesitated, someone was with her, someone he knew only from the newspapers, and he found himself pulling up the hood of his cloak to shield his face quickly. Why had Catherine brought Elliot Burch Below? What was she thinking of, bringing that man into his world?
They seemed to take a long time to approach him, though their footsteps brought them his way, it seemed as if they walked without walking, and never got any closer. Vincent wondered about that, and rubbed his eyes, convinced he was imagining it, but no, when he looked again, they were still there, only closer. Now he could see the expressions on their faces, and something else. Following closely behind them there was a child, a small boy, with Catherine’s eyes, but Elliot’s looks. Vincent felt his heart constrict, and placed a hand upon his chest, while his laboured breathing caught in his throat, and threatened to choke him.
There was also something held in Elliot’s arms and Vincent saw it was another child. Smaller than the first, a child with long blonde hair, and Catherine’s face, a little girl.
And then something else came into focus, Catherine, his Catherine carried a child beneath her heart. Elliot’s child. The bulge of her stomach signifying in a way the other two children never could, that she continued to sleep with this man.
Vincent tried to blot out the vision, closing his eyes to it, hoping it would go away, but each time he looked there they were, only closer still.
Closing his eyes tightly, to shut away the sight of them, he began to hear them. Take away one sense and the other four are intensified, and Vincent wanted to shut his ears also, as he listened in to their conversation.
“You’re going away again Elliot?” there was despair in Catherine’s voice.
“Yes, I’m sorry, Cathy but I am needed in Costa Rico. I shouldn’t be gone more than a couple of months.”
“A couple of months, but Elliot the baby is due in less than three weeks.”
Vincent opened his eyes, shocked at what he was hearing. How could this man leave her when she needed him so?
“I’m sorry Cathy, but you knew when you married me that I was a busy man. I thought you had accepted that.”
“But Elliot you promised, you said you would be here when this child was born. I don’t think I can do it alone anymore. Please Elliot come back sooner.”
“Cathy,” Elliot looked down at her, humouring her, “Of course you will get through it, you always have, and its not like you can put it on hold is it?” he laughed then, at her.
“And then what Elliot? How old will this child be before I see you again.?”
“Cathy what’s more important huh? My being a few weeks late into the child’s life, or having the lifestyle you have grown accustomed to? Surely you can see why I have to be away so much? I have to keep making money Cathy.”
Catherine sighed, “But we already have so much, more than we will ever need, and I see so little of you.”
“There will come a time Cathy, when I will spend all my spare time with you I promise, but for now, there is every need that I keep my businesses flourishing. I need to stay on top Cathy, there are sharks out there, who will undermine me given the slightest opportunity. So don’t despair honey, our time will come.”
“When we are old and grey Elliot, and our children have left home?”
“No, long before that”, he was laughing at her again.
Catherine wiped a weary hand across her brow, causing Elliot to stop and look down at her, “What is it now?” he sounded irritable.
“Nothing.”
“Yes there is, something else is on your mind. Give.”
Catherine shook her head, as tears gathered and fell, “Elliot, things are not as I expected, that’s all.”
“Then what did you expect, Cathy. You have all the money you’ll ever need, you have a home, children, a husband that loves you. Okay so I am not around as often as I would like to be, but I do love you Cathy. But it’s not that is it, you will never be satisfied with me, because you never really loved me, not the way you loved him, this man you never speak of. The one I am not even privileged to know his name.”
“Vincent.” she whispered, as tears ran down her cheeks, and the name caught in her throat.
“Vincent. Huh, at last! And it took nothing to get it out of you. What! Have you accepted at last that he is out of reach. I thought you would never let go of his image.” Elliot looked ecstatic, overjoyed. “Perhaps there is hope for you and I now Cathy, now you have laid the ghost. Perhaps now you could come to love me in his place.”
“I will never love you, the way I love him.”
“Loved, Cathy, you should be speaking in the past tense now. You loved this man, now you can love me, even if it is not with the depth that you loved him.”
“No Elliot, I said love, as in the presence tense. I shall always love Vincent. But sadly he did not want me.”
Elliot seemed surprised, “You have never spoken of this before.”
“No, I couldn’t, I don’t even know if I can now. I’m sorry Elliot, it may have been you that I married, but my heart has remained with him. But then you knew this and accepted it from the very first.”
“What is it about this guy Cathy. I have given you everything. You want for nothing, and all I ask in return is your love, yet never have I felt that you have given it to me.”
“I care for you Elliot.”
“But do you love me?”
“Not in the way you would wish it. I’m sorry Elliot, I promised I would make you a good wife, I would give you children, and be by your side as your empire grew, but I told you from the outset, you should not expect me to love you, for I left my heart with someone else.”
“I would sure like to see this guy. This, this Vincent, he must be something special, if he can hold your heart still after all these years.”
“He is.”
“Have you seen him since we were married.”
“No.”
“Then how do you know he is still in the area, in the States even.”
“Believe me Elliot I know he is still here.”
“Has he married another?”
“No, he loves only me. He would never marry anyone but me.”
“But you said he didn’t want you.”
“Yes that is correct, but not because he didn’t love me.”
“Then why Cathy?” Elliot ran his fingers through his hair wearily, “ Why could you not be together?”
“Because he, unlike you, had nothing to offer materially, all he had to offer me was his love.”
“And that wasn’t good enough for you?” Elliot frowned at her.
“No, Elliot, it was, it was,” Catherine beseeched him to understand, “ I only ever wanted him to love me. To have his love and nothing else, was more than I could ever have hoped for. Dreams can be built from love Elliot, whereas empires can crumble without it.”
“And if I were to set you free would you go to him now?”
“No. He is in my past.”
“How can that be Cathy? How can you love him so intensely and not bear to be with him, even now?”
“Because Elliot now I have the children. I love them, and they love you and it would be wrong to expect them to live without either of us, or to expect them to live with Vincent and I, even to ask Vincent to bring up your children. So I am trapped Elliot, trapped in a snare of my own making.”
“How do you account for that Cathy?”
“That night you asked me out to dinner, do you remember?”
His eyes softened, “How could I forget?”
“Had I not of agreed, I would never have lost Vincent. We had reached a stage in our relationship, when each of us wanted more, but for reasons I am not prepared to go into, it was impossible that we could, and it was tearing us apart. I’m sorry Elliot, but you stepped into the picture again, just at the wrong moment, and it was all the excuse Vincent needed to call a halt to our relationship.”
“He let you go! To me?” Catherine nodded, not trusting herself to speak, as Elliot continued, “And you let him?”
“What else could I do? I needed him, but he wasn’t there, and ashamed as I am to say it....”
“I was.”
“Yes.”
“And you became pregnant and agreed to marry me.”
“Yes.”
“Oh Cathy, you should have told me.”
“Told you what Elliot. I kept nothing from you. You knew all you needed to know.”
“No I didn’t Cathy. I knew you loved someone else, but I had no idea he loved you so intensely. How do you think that makes me feel, to know somewhere someone’s heart is broken because of me? Because I stepped in the moment when you could have least done with me. You may have resolved your differences, had I of not complicated things between the two of you.”
“You have been a good husband Elliot.”
“Yes, but an absent one. I promise to give you more time Cathy.”
Hope flared in Catherine’s heart, “You’ll be there for the birth?” And died again when he answered, “No, I can’t start giving you more time just yet. Maybe next year, or the year after, but I promise Cathy just as soon as I can.”
“Yes, just as soon as you can.” Listlessly, she echoed his words from habit, knowing from experience, that Elliot was a breaker of promises. Not intentionally so, he just found he could never meet the promises he had made, and would forever put them off for another day.
Catherine sighed, “One day Elliot, when the children are grown, and no longer need me to be with you, then maybe I will seek Vincent out. Definitely not before then.” she sighed.
Elliot put down the child he was holding, dragging his fingers through his hair, “So he gets you at your beginning, and at your ending, and I wear you out with all these children in the meantime.” He attempted a laugh, but it didn’t quite come off, “Cathy that’s tragic.”
She burst into tears then, attempting a watery smile, “That’s the story of my life Elliot.”
“Cathy, it breaks my heart to see you this way. Look I love you Cathy, love you enough to let you go, let’s be honest here. I have given you everything, and you are too kind when you tell me I have been a good husband. In that I provided for you yes, but in ten years of marriage, I think I have spent less than half that time with you....”
“A quarter.” Catherine smiled.
“A quarter! Is that all it is?” he was stunned, “And you have kept account? Oh Cathy.”
He drew her into his arms, kissing the top of her head, but when he searched for her lips, she turned her head away. The sadness in her eyes apparent.
“You must go to him Cathy. I know what you said, I heard you, but it is unthinkable that I am away so much, and he is near, but you have never seen him?” Catherine shook her head. “Cathy I am the last one to condone infidelity, but...”
“No! Elliot! No, don’t you see? No you couldn’t possibly see,” she shook her head, “What Vincent and I had, what we continue to have, is all or nothing Elliot. I will always be a part of Vincent as he will always be a part of me. Yet together or apart we suffered just the same. But that was of our own making.” she whispered the last.
“And I drove the wedge that made it permanent. Its okay Cathy, you don’t have to tell me so, it is written in your eyes. Without me, you two may have made it, perhaps we shall never know, if you are so determined not to see him in my absence?”
“I am.”
“Then why are we having this conversation Cathy. What has it all been about?” he asked her sadly, wishing he could erase the sadness from her eyes.
Catherine shook her head, “I just needed to talk about it.”
“Cathy, are you happy with me?” His words stunned her. And she took a long time before answering, what could she tell him? Hadn’t she hurt him enough, yet he had been so good about it, he must love her the way Vincent had done. Both of them loved her enough to set her free to seek what each thought was best for her, but happy, no she had never been happy, not with Elliot, not the way her heart had soared with happiness whenever she was with Vincent. Elliot was waiting for an answer, though in truth her silence had already given it.
“No Elliot, the day Vincent walked,” she laughed, “No not walked, swept, the day Vincent swept himself out of my life he took with him my heart, my love and any chance I may of had of happiness. I can find happiness Elliot in our children, I can be happy, I can laugh, I can find joy, I can smile, but am I happy, no. Deep down, no I am not, there is a void where deep seated happiness once poured out of me, yet not since the day Vincent went out of my life.”
“Like a light Cathy?”
“Yes, like a light. A light that went out inside of me, never to shine again.”
Vincent continued to watch their images as they walked past him and further away down the tunnel, until he could not longer hear them. Though still their mouths moved and he strained his ears to listen he could no longer hear them. Just as before when their words were lost to him, he could not hear them now. Yet in truth hadn’t he heard enough?
Shaking his head, he watched as the couple and their family disappeared from view, and he got up, knowing the effects of the drug had worn off, and he had seen all he was meant to see. His heart felt heavy. He had witnessed something very tragic in Catherine’s life, and hadn’t that been the way she had described it herself. As tragic?
Would that really be the way things would turn out?
They were after all only his own thoughts being set free, it didn’t mean that things would turn out like that did it? Things could be better for her couldn’t they?
Yet who was he trying to fool?
Despite how the vision had unfolded perhaps Elliot would love her better, perhaps he would spend more time with her, but it did not alter the fact that Catherine did not love Elliot.
That forever she would love only him.
Vincent moaned softly, ‘What had he done?’ Perhaps they would find the way forwards a difficult one, but unless they tried, they would never know, and he didn’t think he could ever live with himself with just the memories of happier times with her, to comfort him through all the lonely years without her.
Pulling himself up onto his feet, he straightened, gathered the rugs and the cushion and returned them to Narcissa’s chamber. She was no-where in sight, but Vincent guessed if he called to her, if he needed her she would come, appear as if she had never been missing. He could feel her eyes on him, and could only smile and quietly say ‘thank you Naricissa.’ as he left the warmth of her chamber to made the long trek back towards his own.
*** *** ***Chapter Four
Catherine paced her apartment well into the night. She had half-expected Vincent to be waiting for her when Elliot had brought her home, and was disappointed when she found he had not come. Did she really expect him to/ What was she doing playing one against the other?
And then the rest of the night as she had tried to settle, strange dreams wielded their way in and out of her head, almost as if they belonged to someone else. Yet they were about herself and Elliot, and by the morning, Catherine had to drag herself out of her bed, to get ready for work.
Leaving her apartment building she flagged down a taxi, which drew up at her side, but the driver told her, he was on his way to a call, and could only take her half way to her destination. Catherine declined, deciding instead to wait for the next one, yet as she waited, her eyes kept drifting towards the park, and soon she found her feet following them, taking her with minds of their own down into Vincent’s world.
Reaching the entrance to the drainage tunnel, she hesitated. Would he be there waiting for her, or would he refuse to see her? Walking about in the dust, swirls of it drifted over her feet, camouflaging her boots to the colour below their soles.
Making the decision of her life, Catherine walked steadily within, out of the sunlight, into the gloomy tunnel, and gasped to find him there, waiting for her.
“Vincent!”, her voice broke with emotion. “You came.”
“Yet, you doubted it?”
“Yes.” She hesitated, nothing had changed. Desire assaulted her senses just for the sight of him. She longed for him to hold her, and he answered that need. Holding open his arms she flung herself into them, feeling them enclose around her holding her tight, as if he would never let her go.
“I love you Catherine.” he told her. “Please forgive me.”
Searching his eyes, Catherine hung back to look into his face, “There is nothing to forgive,” she told him, “or if there is, it is I who should be seeking your forgiveness Vincent.”
“Then we are both to blame. I forced you into a situation you would never ordinarily have contemplated.”
“Going out with Elliot?”
“Yes.”
“Vincent, let me live in your world, with you, in whatever category you chose, only let me be a part of your life Vincent, I need you. I need you.” Catherine buried her face into his chest, soaking up the delicious scent of him. Of leather, candle wax and the musky scent she associated with the only man that she loved.
“Yes.” he told her, after what seemed an age, and startled Catherine looked up to search his eyes, unable to believe he had agreed at last!
“Vincent?” she enquired of him, hardly daring to breathe.
“I love you Catherine. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but already we have a firm enough foundation with which to build from. And your coming to live with me in my world, will not answer all our questions, or unravel all our problems, but we will be together, and so at least the suffering of us being apart will be one pain less to deal with.”
“But Vincent, having me close, that close, do you know what you are agreeing to, have I made myself plain?”
“Yes Catherine. You want me to be your lover. I don’t know if I am ready for that.... Yet. So I will make a bargain with you. If you can wait long enough through an engagement, and then....”
“Vincent!” Catherine was stunned!
Vincent smiled down at her, “Yes, my Catherine, I am asking you to marry me.”
“Oh Vincent, of course I’ll marry you. Did you ever doubt it?”
Vincent looked down at her, his heart bursting with love and pride, “No.” he told her honestly, “ I never believed you would refuse me, but I always believed I didn’t have the right to ask.”
“Can we go home now Vincent?”
“Wasn’t you on your way to work?”
“Once perhaps, but no more. That life isn’t mine anymore.” she shook her head, “I want to be with you, there is so much we have to discuss.”
“Yes, and believe me they will be very complex matters, the worst of all, having to confess our intentions to Father.”
Catherine laughed then, allowing him to guide her over the threshold. Then down the long tunnels that led to the home chambers, her arm never leaving his body as she hugged him tightly to her, making walking difficult, but she’d have it no other way for the glory of having him close.
Walking along, they talked, “It won’t be easy Catherine, living with me. You may see things you were unprepared for.”
“Like what?” she smiled up at him.
“Like the times when the rages possess me, and no-one attempts to come near for fear of their life.”
“And you think you will have these rages once I am in your midst.”
“I had them before you came into my life Catherine, and have had them more since.”
“What causes them?”
“Frustration, inability to cope with what I am. Anything can set it off, sometimes even a lack of some mineral I might need.”
“Are these rages dangerous... to you?”
“To me, no. Oh I might smash a few things and cut myself, but generally, it is other people who are in danger, if around me.”
“But you would never hurt me.”
Vincent looked down at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. “Its true Vincent, you would never hurt me.”
Her conviction astounded him, he could not find the words with which to reply.
“Vincent, I know you, and these rages that you’ve had, they may be a thing of the past, but even if they are not, you can show me what triggers them off, how to look for the signs. Let me be your guide Vincent. Allow me to be there for you, to stay with you, to see you safely through them. Please Vincent, I don’t want to be shut out when you are suffering so much.”
He hugged her to him, kissing the top of her head, “You don’t know what you are asking Catherine. These rages aren’t like the ones with which I use to save your life. No nothing like that. I cannot control them and I lose myself in them. The beast reigns, and the man is powerless to stop him. You do not know what danger you would be in if you were to be there with me. So I cannot allow you do so.”
“Don’t back out on me now Vincent, for better or worse you know that. I’ll be there for you Vincent whether you want me to or not. For I know Vincent, I know more than any other that the beast inside loves me too. If he did not, he would not have come to my rescue on all those occasions when my life has been in danger. Who do you think saves my life Vincent, the man or the beast?”
Vincent stared down at her astounded, she was right! The man he was would never behave so viciously, even if he did have the ability and the weapons at his disposal. Maybe an evil man would, but he, Vincent the man, loved people, he could never kill the way he’d killed if it were not for the beast inside.
“You know I am right don’t you Vincent? And I believe that once you accept what I offer to you, the very things that used to trigger your rages will dissipate. You know Vincent, believe it or not, sexual frustration makes a person better, stronger, less in control true, but look how it is for an athlete, or a footballer. When working towards a race or a game, their manager will not allow them to have sex during that time, because to do so, would weaken and lessen their chances of winning. They are strengthened by frustration. And I more than most know the truth behind that theory.” She added impishly.
Vincent laughed then, heartily, “Is that why you win so many cases. Perhaps I should not be taking from the world above such a good lawyer, neither take away her ability to perform her best.”
“Now that I could live with.” They laughed together and she continued, “Besides, I renounced my life above and all that goes with it, Vincent.”
“Yes, but if there were another way, one in which you could continue with your career. I think it is an option we should work on. It might be possible.”
“I don’t know if I want it to be possible. I may be good at my job Vincent, but it isn’t something I need. I only did it to prove something to myself, to my father, and to everyone that knew me, and I succeeded. But now there is no glory in keeping on with the pretence, I would much rather be a lady of leisure.”
“Then I’m afraid you are going to the wrong place. Below there is no such leisure, well not unless you are a glutton for playing chess.” he laughed long and loudly.
“Oh Vincent, its going to be great, and look even your proposal has freed the tension that has been between us of late.”
“Yes I had noticed. I wanted to remark on it earlier but was afraid of upsetting the apple cart.”
Catherine laughed, “Oh I shouldn’t worry anymore Vincent. The desire is still there, but since you have taken away never and replaced it with maybe, I can put up with the wait, knowing that the eventuality will be worth it.” Her eyes laughed and danced with joy, and Vincent gathered her close. It had been a long time since they had shared such a closeness, and it warmed him.
“But Vincent?”
“Yes.” he was almost afraid of what she was going to ask him.
“Can we kiss?”
Vincent sucked in a breath, the remembrance of their first and last kiss still set his pulses racing, “I don’t know Catherine.” he replied honestly.
“That’s okay, don’t worry Vincent, I won’t pressure you. Still, I think you did enjoy it.” her mischief, made him smile. And he replied, “Yes Catherine I did enjoy it, and I am eager to repeat it. Unfortunately it brought forth other emotions which I am not yet up to discussing, or even facing, but I promise you Catherine I will give it all a great deal of thought. Not that I have never done so before I might add.”
“Look lets get off this subject shall we, its beginning to cause a strain, and we were getting along so well. Lets not spoil it, what comes will come naturally, even if we have been married for years and still no sign.”
Vincent stopped dead, turning her to look at him, “You’d marry me in spite of still having to wait?” he could hardly believe he had heard correctly.
“But of course. Though how on earth you will resist me when I have the right to share your bed, I do not know. Indeed your self control would have to be stronger than steel.” She laughed up at his expression, “Vincent, I’m teasing you, seriously, I’ll wait, and I’ll marry you, and I’ll wait some more, and I will not insist on sharing your bed until first you invite me into it. Is that fair or what?”
He laughed then, and hugged her close, “I love you Catherine, and I promise you may have to wait a long time, but it won’t be forever. How could I possibly deny myself the right to love you? It’s just these fears, a lifetime of fears Catherine, I have to break them down. Be patient my love, and things will come out right you’ll see. Trust me.”
“Oh I do Vincent, and I promise, I will help you overcome all your fears.”
*** *** ***Chapter Five
The news of the engagement buzzed throughout the tunnels, even though Vincent had specifically asked for no fuss. He wanted to keep a low profile, still feeling somewhat shaken at his impending marriage and all it represented. Not that he didn’t want to marry Catherine far from it, but he wanted nothing to detract from the sanctity of marriage, and just hoped that he would after all, be ready for all it entailed.
Catherine repeatedly assured him that side of things no longer mattered. But of course it mattered, hadn’t it been the very thing that had driven them apart to start with? The very thing which had almost cost them their happiness together?
So it was with trepidation that Vincent headed towards the date that they had chosen. Deciding now against a long engagement if Catherine was prepared to wait during the marriage itself for him to get to grips with his problem. Only as the day grew closer did Vincent feel pressurised into something he was still unprepared for.
That Catherine knew his doubts only served to intensify his feelings. He would catch a glimmer of sadness in her eyes, and she would shut down on the Bond, before he had time to read what lay inside her heart. Until one day, only a week away from the date they had set for themselves, she found she could edge around it no more. Simply she had to tackle it head on.
“Vincent, I need to speak with you?” she told him one evening, after he had busied himself all day channelling out new chambers for some of the older children, who wanted rooms of their own. He was tired, and she wanted so much to massage away his aching joints, yet knew he would never allow her hands upon his body, for fear the intimacy of her hands upon his skin would lead them into other things.
“I know that you do. I have felt your unrest all day.”
“As I have felt yours these past few days. What is it Vincent? Pre-wedding nerves or something deeper?”
He looked away then unable to meet her eyes, intent on brushing the dust from his shoulders, shaking his great mane of hair to free it from grit and grime, until he could wash it out.
“Vincent?”
“I have no answer for you Catherine, and I am tired. Perhaps we could talk after I have rested.”
Catherine bit her lip, knowing he was dodging the burning issue, but unable to pressure him, “Yes. I shall wait for you in the communal chamber.”
“No.” Vincent knew he could not evade her questions continually, she deserved an answer at least, “Wait for me in the guest chamber.”
“Until when, after you have showered, or after you have rested, for you do not know how long you will sleep, and I may have to wait many hours while you do.”
Vincent sighed, “Then only until after I have showered.”
“Then may I wait in your chamber?”
What could he say? How could he tell her that to have her there so close, when all he would be wearing when he exited from the shower was a bathrobe, would be more than his body could stand?
“I don’t think that would be wise Catherine.” he told her at last.
Catherine sighed, “As you wish Vincent, I will wait for you in the guest chamber.”
Leaving her then, Catherine watched his disappearing back, and wondered about those sagging shoulders, that she had seen too often of late. And they had nothing to do with overwork.
She had a feeling that he was caught in a trap of his own making.
Bound to stand by his proposal and marry her, yet not ready to face such a responsibility. Perhaps the long engagement would have been better after all, having no such pressures.
Idly Catherine walked along to the chamber she had used since her arrival there over six weeks ago, and walked straight into Father, whom she had not seen coming, being so wrapped up in her own thoughts.
He staggered, as did she, grabbing the solid wall of tunnel each to steady themselves, the armload of books he had been carrying now all around their feet. “Father I’m so sorry, I was so lost in thought I didn’t see you coming. Are you injured?” Father rubbed his hip, but assured her his pride was hurt more, “I don’t think you are entirely to blame Catherine, for I didn’t see you either. Mary told me I should make two journeys with a smaller pile each time, but I am afraid I thought I knew better. You won’t tell her will you?”
Catherine laughed, “Of course not.” she began to pick up the books, “If you’ll agree to let me help you carry this lot the rest of the way. You do have your flight of steps to tackle after all.”
Seeing the sense behind her words, he readily agreed, “And where is Vincent, surely he has finished working below by now.”
“Yes Father he is showering. I was on my way to my chamber where he has promised to meet me later.”
“I see.”
“You do? I wish I did.”
“That’s a strange remark for a bride to be, care to talk to a nosy old man about it?”
“I don’t know Father, the problem is not mine to divulge.”
“Vincent’s huh? Got cold feet has he?”
Catherine laughed, “that’s just what I asked him earlier, though not in quite the same way.”
“I think we do need to talk Cathy. Perhaps all the three of us together. Rather than you and I, or just you and Vincent. Something obviously is not as it should be, and the wedding is less than a week away.”
“Yes Father, I know, but the three of us discussing it, well I don’t know about that bit, perhaps you and Vincent discussing it however, maybe that would be a good idea.”
“Do you know from where the problem stems?”
“Yes Father, as do you. It is Vincent who refuses to talk about it. And it’s not as if I have pressured him, he well knows that side of our marriage can be put on hold, until he is comfortable with it. However long it takes.”
“Really! Then you are more remarkable than I give you credit for. If you are prepared to wait in this way.”
“To be married to Vincent Father is all that I ask.”
“So that you have the right to love him?”
“It has nothing to do with rights. I can’t explain it Father. Well not to you, I don’t even know if I should have said this much. Please won’t you wait, let Vincent and I talk it over first, that is the only right I can enforce here.”
“Yes, you are correct. But afterwards if you need a shoulder to cry on, or some advice, come and see me Cathy, together we can weather the storm.”
“Thank you Father.”
Reaching his chamber, they met Vincent coming through from the other side on his way to meet Catherine, and their eyes held and locked. For some reason, Vincent felt his desire rise, something that had been at bay all the time she had lived Below with him. Was it something in her eyes perhaps? Had there been for just a fraction an unmasked longing, at the unexpected sight of him, fresh from his shower, before she had the chance to disguise her need.
Fear assaulted Vincent’s senses, and he well knew he was no more ready for marriage now than he ever was, but how could he tell her?
Regaining her composure, Catherine put down her pile of books, and said lightly, too lightly, “Vincent, there you are. I met Father in the tunnel, and helped him carry his load.” and then she walked up to him and whispered so that only he would hear, “I would like to help you carry your load too, Vincent, if only you would let me.”
Vincent groaned, taking her elbow, and leading her back into his own chamber. “Catherine” He began, but Catherine would hear none of it, standing on tip-toe she put her arms around his neck and pulled his face down towards her own. Then capturing his lips beneath hers, she kissed him passionately. Their eyes met and held, and fire re-kindled in their depths. It was so unexpected, even Catherine had not known she would do this, but he had looked so handsome, and she had wanted him so.
Flustered, she broke away, “I’m sorry Vincent!” Horrified by her actions, she could only stammer and glance around wildly unable to meet his eyes. What had she done! It had not been her intention at all, and now any hope she had of coaxing him into marriage with the promise that she would not pressure him beyond it, flew straight out the window. If there were any windows!
Vincent had not spoken, but she could hear his laboured breathing as he struggled for control, and timidly she stole a glance at him. His eyes were closed, his fists clenched and unclenched as if he had an inward fight and probably he did, Catherine could only stammer another apology, “Vincent that was wrong of me. It was unforgivable, I’m so sorry to have put this on you.”
His eyes opened slowly, and the desire she read there, made her gasp. He did want her after all, and glancing down, the evidence of his arousal became only to clear, but he had not spoken and the undercurrent between them was electric.
Her mind screamed out to him, over and over, screaming the words she could not utter aloud, ‘make love to me Vincent, make love to me’ she wanted him so much, yet still he fought for control, and if he could then so could she.
Something snapped inside of her, her wanton behaviour only emphasised the drive of her emotions, and she was a danger to him. The beast he strove to control, was brought out by a simple, if passionate kiss, and he fought to control it.
He must be very afraid then, and she had taunted him, brought forth the beast, and caused him sheer and utter agony.
Was he right then?
And did she really have the capability to tame the beast? In that moment she doubted it. His strength was far superior to her own, yet she could see his difficulty, and it frightened her. Her fear bubbled and rose inside her, and out through their connection to him before she could grasp hold of and stop it.
“So!” he snarled, whipping round to grasp her wrists, “You do fear the beast in me!”
She could not deny it, even to herself, let alone to him, in that moment she was afraid, and eyes wide in terror, she nodded, “Yes but...”
“No buts Catherine. What are we doing?” he groaned, and she knew the rest of his question before he voiced it.
“Vincent, there is a difference here. The fear you saw in me, was not so much as fear of the beast in you, but fear of maintaining the belief that I could control the beast, as you have just shown me how dreadful the fight is just for you. How could I, ever hope to compete with that?”
“What are you saying Catherine?”
“Vincent I love you, I love you the man and you the beast, but we have allowed ourselves to be swept along by a belief built upon a fantasy. Rather than the situation as it stands.” He looked at her, his breathing coming hard and fast, for still he fought the desire within.
“We have two ways open to us Vincent. Either to go forwards from this moment, or to give ourselves more time. You choose Vincent because I do not want to hurt you further either way.”
Groaning, Vincent sunk into a nearby chair, his head in his hands, unable to answer her, unable to gather his thoughts into words with which to answer her.
Gently Catherine knelt at his feet, placing her head upon his lap, feeling the tension go out of him as she continued to sit there, waiting patiently.
Eventually, she felt his hands stroking her hair, his breathing calmed, and he spoke at last, “Catherine, what can I say to you. You have been so patient with me. So kind, insisting you could wait until I was ready, but I wanted everything to be perfect for you. I didn’t want you to have to wait, but as the days gather closer Catherine, I find so does my fear, and I am losing control of myself. Catherine, it is no mere pre-wedding nerves, it goes a lot deeper than that.”
Catherine turned her head, so that she could see into his eyes. “I’m setting you free Vincent.” she told him, hearing his sharp intake of breath as he was about to refuse and then calm reason washed over him, and he visibly relaxed. “See”, she told him, “Already the heat has gone out of the situation. One day I will marry you Vincent, your proposal still stands, and you are not going to get out of it ever, but darling you need more time, and I love you enough to give it. I can wait Vincent, I told you that from the start, and however long it takes I will wait, because you promised me the time will come, and you have given me hope to endure. I don’t want to cause you pain Vincent. And I fear that the added burden of my being here, does that to you… No, let me finish, ... I have seen the way you have worked so hard of late, it is because of my being here isn’t it, that you put yourself through this torture?”
Vincent nodded, as tears gathered in his eyes and fell swiftly. He could never deny that she had courage.
“For a time Vincent, I am going back Above, but only to give you breathing space. I intend to return home, for this is my home now, just as soon as I am convinced through our connection that you are capable of coping with that. I love you Vincent, but this has got to be right for us, or it won’t be right at all.”
He hugged her then, words could not convey all he felt, sadness, sorrow, joy, relief? It had taken great courage for her to do this for him, and he knew she was right. They would marry eventually, but for now he was happy to wait until things were different.
Until he felt ready to be the husband that he ought to be.
*** *** ***Chapter Six
The week dragged slowly by.
Back in her apartment, Catherine flicked idly through magazines, and cleaned each room thoroughly from top to bottom. It was incredible how much dust had collected in six weeks. That done she was restless, and contemplated going to see Joe, to ask for her old job back. She knew he would give it back to her immediately with no questions asked, but for how long would she need it? And how would he feel when the time came for her to walk out on him yet again? She felt she owed him more than that, he was a dear friend as well as her boss, and she knew he was in love with her, was it fair to keep him hoping, when she knew there was never any chance for him?
Reluctant to call up any of her friends who would whisk her off into the social world, Catherine stayed at home, reading, watching television and old movies, and listening to soothing music. The music helped her most of all, for her jangled nerves needed relaxing, and she longed so much to be with Vincent. She missed him, but they had agreed that some time apart would be good for the both of them.
Yet as the day arrived on which they should have been married, Catherine had an overwhelming desire to see him. She knew he would be thinking about it just as much as she was, and they needed to be with one another. For the first time in a week, she opened the Bond she shared with him, and let him know she was coming Below.
He met her at the threshold, holding open his arms for her to walk into them and he held her close without words for several moments. She sighed, “I’ve missed this.” she told him at last.
“As have I.” he told her. “Oh Catherine, I have missed having you around me so much this week.” He held her away from him, searching her eyes, watching the changing expressions chase across her face. “What?” she asked him, “What are you thinking?”
“Just how beautiful you are, oh Catherine,” he pulled her back against him, “Can you stay?”
Catherine pulled back this time to study his face, “For how long?”
“Just for today, I need you to be with me, this day.” He added sorrowfully.
“Yes Vincent. I need to be with you also this day. It would be torturous to be apart, I don’t think I could bear it, but Vincent, I don’t want to be around other people either. Is there somewhere we could go just to be by ourselves?”
“There will only be people about until this afternoon, we will be safe to return to the home chambers then.”
“Why until this afternoon?”
“Then everyone will be going along to the Great Hall. Father and William thought it would be a shame to waste the preparations, and everybody agreed.”
“They are going on with it!”
“Yes, but we haven’t been invited. Father thought it would be too painful for us to be there.”
“Yes, it would have.” Catherine replied sadly.
“Come Catherine, I am sure the walk will do us good, and you can tell me what you have been doing all week.”
“That will take no more than three seconds.”
Vincent laughed, “Boring huh?”
“Very.”
They walked through the familiar tunnels, and some not so familiar, some where Vincent had never taken Catherine before, but she barely noticed, just to have him close was enough, his presence was healing to her bones.
With the thought of what this day should mean pressed firmly to the back of their minds, they walked and talked, and shared memories, and enjoyed just being together. There was no pressure, nothing to make them uncomfortable with one another, and they would have continued like that the whole day through, if they had not have met Narcissa.
“There you are my children, you were coming to see me were you not?”
Her words startled Vincent, “Narcissa! I thought you would be at the Great Hall with the others by now.”
“And miss your visit, now why would I want to do that?”
“But we weren’t coming to see you Narcissa, That is I made no plans to do so. I never expected to see you here.”
“Yet your feet brought you in my direction. Does that not tell you something child?”
Vincent stared down at his feet, “I have a feeling Narcissa, that you are going to say next, that I keep my brains in my feet.”
Catherine laughed, and Narcissa joined her, “I could not have put it better myself” she told him, “Now come we are wasting time, everybody has gathered and the bridegroom is late.”
Vincent frowned, “No Narcissa haven’t you heard? Our wedding has been cancelled for today.”
“Yes I heard. You silly, silly children, and if we do not hurry you will both miss it entirely.”
“No Narcissa. We aren’t ready to get married yet, it won’t be today.” Vincent tried to tell her without losing patience.
“Vincent did I not tell you to come back to me, if you were still having doubts, after the last time? You did not come, yet you are still uncertain. I will help you again. Come, follow me. Both of you.”
Catherine was amazed of the speed the old woman could walk, and they found difficulty keeping up with her, “Slow down Narcissa,” Vincent called, only to be rewarded with, “We must hurry, the day is well along.”
Inside the old woman’s chamber, which was surprisingly warm and well kept, Narcissa handed Vincent a slip of paper, “Now you know what to do with this don’t you Vincent?”
“Another vision Narcissa? But how will this help?”
“The last one freed logic in your mind Vincent, helped you to see the way forward, but you were held back by self-doubts about yourself, this drug will free you from yourself, and you will see the answers to the questions you have not been able to unlock.”
Vincent took the slip of paper from her, and the offered rugs and a cushion as before, and Catherine made to follow him when he brushed a kiss across her brow, and asked her to wait there for him, promising he would soon return.
“I want to come with you.” she pleaded.
Vincent looked back at her with longing, but Narcissa would not hear of it, “No you must do this alone, Catherine will be safe with me. Go now for you are wasting precious time.”
Reluctantly Vincent left, yet Catherine was uneasy, “I want to be with him Narcissa.”
“I know you do, but soon you will have all your lives to be together. Come sit down, Catherine, don’t be afraid, tell me about yourself, it is so long since I have seen you.”
Out in the tunnel, Vincent took the drug in the same way as before, and waited as before. Again he noticed the violet ceiling, and realised he had done nothing about it, as he had promised himself he would and then a stiff breeze that came from nowhere startled him. Making him gather his cloak more tightly around him, as he began to see a mist rising from the ground, and swirl around the area in which he sat. He felt no fear, only interest, and waited until the mists cleared, before he could see his whole life spread before him, like some long tapestry upon a wall.
From the day that Anna Pater had found him, right up to the present, his life passed by his eyes. Things he had thought forgotten, bringing joy to his heart to see them brought forth again. Things he had done with Devin, his first sight of the moon, though this he would never forget, the sorrow with Lisa, right through the night he found Catherine in the park. Then through all their three years together, and through the recent weeks when she had lived in his world. As the tapestry of life filtered past his eyes, he was almost afraid to see what the future held, and when he looked, because of his fear there was nothing. Just a bleak emptiness and his heart grew heavy. Then he heard a whisper somewhere deep inside him, he was certain it was Narcissa’s voice! “Have courage Vincent, then you will see.”
From deep inside himself, Vincent fought the fear he had known for so long, the hang ups he had about himself, and he opened both eyes sharply, wanting to know what the future held for him. For the two of them.
The swirling mist left him then, and far away in the distance, came some figures walking towards him, just as it had been in the previous vision, and everything was the same. Catherine was there, walking beside a man, but his face was obscured. As before a young boy child walked behind, the man held a little girl in his arms, and Catherine was heavy with child.
Vincent held his breath. Why was the face of the man obscured? Dare he believe?
Suddenly Vincent did believe, this was what it was all about wasn’t it?
Opening his eyes, he was not surprised to see his own face clearly on that of the man that walked at her side. This time as they passed by he could not hear their words, but the joy shone out of their eyes, their faces radiant, and Vincent knew without a doubt, that he would never hurt Catherine. Hadn’t the children proved that the case? The thought of having children with Catherine warmed him, and he struggled to get out of the vision, eager to be with her, but more was to come.
He saw himself and his family walking towards him again, but this time, they did not enter a chamber, but instead a house, the basement of which ran into the tunnels, and through this they went up into the house Above. The rooms were furnished with all his familiar things, and Catherine’s, all the things from her apartment, and new things, things they had accumulated together. And upon the shelves were folders. Files that told Vincent that Catherine was still a working woman, when she wasn’t having babies that was. For they had found a way to combine both their worlds. Living in a house that had access to the tunnels. A house where the sunlight shone through the windows in the mornings as they lay in their bed. A house where the children could play, or watch television, and play games. A normal life for his Catherine and his children. One they could share together and be at peace.
Finally the vision drew to its close, leaving Vincent feeling happier than he ever believed possible.
He had been given the answers he sought. Not a vision of what would be, but a vision of what could be, if he had the courage to accept it. And he did. He knew now that he did.
Nothing was impossible anymore.
Catherine hardly recognised him when he came back through the entrance way, his face was radiant, his joy overflowing, so that she was drawn instantly to his happiness.
Narcissa smiled knowingly, “So Vincent you have seen the light, eh?”
“Yes Narcissa, and you were right, there will be a wedding today, that’s if Catherine and I make it back in time.”
“Nonsense!” she told him, “Why do you think we relay messages. Come, I will send the Father the news, they will wait for you.”
“You must be there too.” Narcissa.
“The journey is a long one, I would only hold you back.”
“Then I will carry you.” Vincent swept her up into his arms, she was as light as a feather, “And who will bring me back?” she asked him laughing.
“Why I...”
“Nonsense, you will have other things to occupy yourself with.” She winked at him, “Besides, I will see everything. Don’t fret about me child. Go now, live your life, before you waste any more of it.”
Taking hold of Catherine’s hand then, Vincent whirled her around, “Are you ready then Catherine, to marry me?” he asked her joyfully.
“Oh yes Vincent. Whatever changed your mind?”
Vincent winked at Narcissa, “Tunnel vision, Catherine. Thanks to Narcissa I was able to see what I should have seen had I not have worn blinkers. The whole picture of our life together. And Catherine I have so much to tell you.”
Narcissa laid a hand on his arm, “Remember Vincent, the vision you saw is yet to be made a reality. What you saw was what could be, not necessarily what will be, only you have the power to make it happen the way you saw it unfold. And that will only happen if you have no more doubts.”
“Narcissa, I have no more doubts, thanks to you.” And he bent and kissed the old woman soundly.
“Do you have one for me too.” Catherine told him, quietly, hopefully.
Vincent looked at her, he knew what she meant, and he hesitated.
“No more doubts Vincent?” Narcissa whispered, encouragingly.
Vincent pushed away the tiny grip of fear that had risen aside, and bent his head so that his lips were inches from Catherine’s, who held her breath and waited. Finally, they touched. His warm lips on hers, gently at first, and then searching, deep, lengthy and extremely passionate. Catherine clung to him, her legs weakened by her desire for more.
When they drew apart, he was breathing heavily, but a smile that lit his eyes, showed the pride that he felt, at having overcome this first step of their life together. Catherine continued to tremble, incapable of putting one foot in front of the other as his hand made to lead her back towards the home chambers, “Vincent, if that offer to carry someone still exists, could it apply to me?”
Vincent laughed then, sensing her weakness, and sweeping her up into his arms, he gathered her close, “Come Mrs. Wells, we have a wedding to attend, and I fear our guests have already started without us.”
And both found themselves smiling, as Narcissa’s tinkling laughter followed them down the tunnel ways towards home.
*** *** ***Chapter Seven
Out of breath, Pascal barged through the doors of the Great Hall and ran straight over to Father, “They’re coming!” He cried. At Father’s obvious surprise, he added, “Vincent and Catherine, they’re coming.”
“Here?” Father was stunned, “No Pascal they can’t, it would be too upsetting.”
Pascal was smiling, and shaking his head fighting for breath, “No you don’t understand, the wedding is back on, they are coming, here, to get married.”
Father’s eyes opened wide, as he was joined by Mary at his side, who had been listening in, some distance away. “Where did you hear this Pascal?” she asked.
“From Narcissa, she sent a message.”
Father’s face fell, “Arh Narcissa, I fear the old wise one is confused.”
“No Father, Vincent and Catherine have just left her. They are coming back here, and besides the sentries have also relayed messages that they are heading home, at quite a pace.”
“Then it must be true! But they will not be prepared. There has been no rehearsal, their clothing is not ready, how can it go ahead in time.”
“Time, time,” Mary shooed Father aside, “What is time. They have no need to stick to an appointment, all their dear friends are here, the food is ready, the wine is flowing, time does not come into it, if we have to wait until midnight before they say their vows, we will wait gladly. Let them have their day Jacob, obviously whatever Narcissa has done to change their minds was meant to be, so that they can be married after all this day.”
Father patted her hand, “You are right as usual my dear, time does not come into it, but organisation does. There is still much to be done, and if they have only just left Narcissa, even at a sprint, it would still take them more than an hour. Come let’s do our up-most to have as much ready before they arrive.”
“At least there will be many willing hands.” Pascal told him, “Are you going to announce it?”
“Most certainly.” Father threaded his way through the crowds, though his news preceded him, for those that had overheard had already passed on the wonderful news. By the time Father climbed up onto the platform a great cheer welcomed him, and beaming he told them, “Thank you. And for the benefit of those yet to hear, I have some good news, Vincent and Catherine will be married after all this day, they are on their way to us even now as I speak. So if all those who were to be bridesmaids and flower girls, and the best man, can come to my chamber, we will set about getting everything organised before Vincent and Catherine get back from Narcissa’s.” Another great cheer went up, and Devin threaded his way through the crowd to his father’s side.
“I’m so pleased you came after all Devin. What would we have done without you? That Vincent chose you as his best man, and not to have you here, well that may have made him hesitate yet again.”
“I had a feeling Dad, I just had to come. It was almost as if I knew it would take place after all. Nothing conscious, but when I heard the news back then I found I wasn’t surprised. Its great isn’t it. I’m pleased to see old Narcissa hasn’t lost her touch.”
“Whatever advice she gave them, must have certainly done the trick, the sentries have sent word that Vincent and Catherine have been seen almost running their way back, no doubt they will be trying to get here before three o’clock.”
“Then we must slow them down, let them know we will wait however long it takes, we don’t want anything to spoil it for them arriving sweaty and out of breath. That’s the sort of way I guess I would arrive for my own wedding.”
Father laughed then, it was a noted fact that Devin was never punctual.
“Yes, you are right, I’ll have Pascal call them right away.”
Rounding a bend, Catherine paused, “Vincent slow down I have stitch.”
“You should have let me continue to carry you.”
“Then you would have the stitch.”
“We’ll rest awhile, there is still time. Listen, the pipes are speaking our names, it is a message.”
Catherine listened, she knew the code well enough by now, and smiled, “They’re waiting for us. Take your time...there’s no rush... much to do...slow down. Oh Vincent, we should have realised, there is no rush, we have all the day. It’s not as if we have an appointment to stick to, to get it done before another couple arrive, like as in Above. We have all day, and I for one am grateful for that, I’m exhausted.”
Catherine flopped wearily down onto the sandy floor, leaning her head back against an outcrop of rock and closed her eyes. Vincent surveyed her from his standing position for a few moments and then bending down slowly until he was level with her, he bent his head and kissed her lips, while her eyes were still closed. They flew open, and he laughed, “Caught you.” He told her, as her eyes blazed into his. “I couldn’t resist you.”
“It was lovely Vincent. You can catch me anytime you like.”
He chuckled, “Know what I like about you?” he asked curling himself down at her side.
Catherine twisted her body around so she could look into his face, “Tell me?”
“Your humour. The ability you have to turn a serious situation into a funny one. The way you can crumble my defences with your wit, and the way you can put me at ease when I feel nervous.”
“You are still nervous? What about Vincent?”
“Many things, but Catherine, I no longer have the doubts that convince me that things are impossible. I know now that nothing is impossible.”
“What did you see back there Vincent, can you tell me?”
“Yes.” but Vincent found he was embarrassed, and could not meet her eyes as he started to speak.
“I saw you, and me and...”
“And?”
“Our children.”
“We’ll have children!” Catherine's eyes sparkled.
“Do you want children Catherine? It’s not something we have ever spoken about.”
“Perhaps we should. More to the point Vincent do you want children?”
“Once perhaps I would have said no, but these children, the ones in my vision, they were the same children as I saw before with you and Elliot.”
“Elliot! You had a vision about me and Elliot? Was that the vision Narcissa spoke of?”
“Yes. After I’d had it, I knew the way forward for us, the vision let me see what your life would be like without me, and Catherine it wasn’t a good one, you were so unhappy.”
“I know, much of the content of that vision filtered through the Bond to me as in a dream.”
“You saw it!”
“Yes, but why did I not see the one you had earlier too.”
“Perhaps because you were awake, or because Narcissa was with you. We must never underestimate the ways of Narcissa, Catherine, she is indeed a wise one.”
“Yes.”
“But we are going away from the subject at hand, and you have not answered my question.”
“Neither have you answered mine, not fully.”
Vincent drew a deep breath, winding his arm around her shoulders as he did so, and drawing her head to rest against him, he kissed her hair, “These children Catherine, they were normal children. They bore no resemblance to me, I don’t know about the one in your womb, but the other two looked fully human. And the life we lived was a normal one. You had everything you’ve ever had, even your job, and I did not feel I had robbed you of anything. I felt at peace. Why we even had a garden, as I recall.”
Catherine laughed, “And so Vincent, would you like children...with me?”
“Oh yes Catherine, to have my own family, it is more than I dreamed, but could you bear to? That is have my child?”
“I’m surprised you need to ask. Vincent every part of you I love, having your children would be the greatest honour that you could give me. Oh yes Vincent I want your children, and the sooner the better. Which reminds me,” she looked down at her watch. “Hadn’t we best be going, I know they said take your time, but if this conversation is leading where I think it might be leading, I don’t think they meant we should be that long!”
Vincent burst out laughing, “There you see, you did it again. Turned a serious situation into a funny one. I love you Catherine, and I can see we are going to have a wonderful life together.”
*** *** ***
Arm in arm with Peter, Catherine walked the short journey through the tunnels towards the Great Hall, hesitating just fractionally, to remember the first time she had walked this way, when Vincent had led her through the darkness at her first Winterfest.
Jamie was at her side, a basket of flowers over one arm, and Jade another young girl was at her other side, with a basket of flowers also. Both the girls were dressed in beautiful powder pink gowns, fit for a princess, and Catherine herself had chosen the traditional white, carrying pink and red roses.
She smiled up at Peter, as he knocked upon the door, and it was opened from the inside by Pascal and William each looking jovial in their fine suits. And as the crowd fell into a hushed silence, all heads turned as Catherine and Peter made their way up the makeshift aisle towards where Vincent waited side by side with Devin.
Jade and Jamie threw multicoloured flower petals into Catherine and Peter’s path, and Catherine’s eyes danced with the glow from the thousands of candles that had been placed around the Great Hall. A hundred or more faces shone as she passed them by each filled with radiance to witness this fairy tale romance reach the bond of marriage. As Catherine looked ahead, Vincent turned, his blue eyes shone with a brilliance of their own, at this vision of loveliness that now floated towards him, to join him at his side, and lift love filled eyes to his. And then Father’s voice booming out across the crowd, welcoming everyone, before taking both Catherine and Vincent’s hands in his, as he read out the words which would bind them together as one, for the rest of their lives.
There was silence as Catherine and Vincent read to one another their own vows written many weeks ago, filled with the knowledge of their love and their connection a tribute to one another, before they exchanged rings, a symbol of their marriage.
And as Catherine slipped her hand inside Vincent’s and she felt him squeeze it gently, both listened with tears in their throats as Father spoke the words they had so longed to hear, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride Vincent.”
Catherine smiled up at him, whispering through the Bond, ‘Good job you’ve had some practice Vincent’, and he almost laughed out loud, almost but not quite, the wonder of the moment held his attention, as he lifted the veil away from her face, and placed his lips firmly upon hers. And as the hushed crowd broke into joyous applause, Vincent gathered Catherine into his arms, and swept her round and round for the pure joy that thundered through his veins, in the knowledge that she was his at last, and every last doubt flew from his mind.
*** *** ***Chapter Eight
Many hours later Catherine flopped herself wearily upon the bed, “Oh, I don’t think my feet have ever ached so much.” She groaned. “When I suggested this morning that we should go somewhere to be by ourselves, I had no idea the miles I would be putting my poor feet through.” she added rubbing each foot in turn.
Vincent scrutinised her from across the room, where he had sat down beside the table, to pour himself a glass of water. “And yet still you managed many extra miles dancing around the Great Hall.”
“Hanging on to you most of the time, do your feet ache too Vincent?”
“A little, but I am more used to walking these lengthy tunnels. It’s something you learn to live with.”
“Yes I suppose it is. But you will be able to relax a bit more now.”
Vincent raised a questioning eyebrow and Catherine laughed, “You won’t need to walk up to the park and over to my apartment building quite so often, or scale eighteen floors, I’m sure you are going to find you have a lot more energy from now on Vincent.”
He laughed then, “You think so? And how do you suggest I use all this boundless energy, my Catherine?” His words spoken low and huskily made her blush, there was no question about what he meant. Yet she was so tired and wasn’t in the mood for being drawn into such conversations right now, she could hardly keep her eyes open.
“Vincent, can we go to sleep now. I am so tired.”
“Nicely put Catherine.” he laughed at her then, “I was wondering which of us would actually suggest it, without making it sound like anything other than sleep.”
Catherine smiled, “I’ve been working on it all evening. But now you have brought it up, I can’t resist saying it some other way.”
“Such as?”
“Can we go to bed now Vincent?”
Vincent burst out laughing. She had said it so innocently, and all the tension left him. He told her, “I would like nothing more than to have you close to me while I sleep, and wake to find you still with me in the morning. As to the other thing, I find I too am tired, and besides I still have fears.” Catherine struggled to sit up, lying on her back propped up by her elbows she asked him. “But I thought...”
He waved her words aside, “Not the same fears Catherine. It feels different, can you understand how it must feel to me?”
Catherine nodded, “Yes. First time nerves, yes I understand Vincent. Been there done that. It’s all right Vincent, there is no hurry.”
“Tell me Catherine?” He got up to cross the room, and crawled up on the bed to sit by her side, she waited for him to go on, resisting the urge to answer with, ‘and what shall I tell you’ as she had heard him do on many an occasion. “How was it the first time for you?” He looked away when he asked her, not knowing if he should. Catherine sighed, “Why do you want to know Vincent. There are some things best left unsaid, if they are going to cause you pain by dwelling on them.”
Vincent shook his head, “No not this time, I wondered if you had felt this way, this nervous?”
“Like a fear that knots your stomach, twisting and screwing you up?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
“Yes Vincent it was like that for me too.” She laughed then, “So much so in fact, I think I actually ran away.” as the memory flooded to mind, Catherine found herself unable to stop laughing, and Vincent laughed along with her, until her laughter subsided trailing away to a mere trickle. Suddenly she was serious, “It was a mistake Vincent, something which I regretted for a very long time. I’d gone searching for love” she paused and changed direction, saying instead, “I just needed someone. And I confused sex with love.” The sadness in her eyes pained him, and Vincent touched her arm, “Catherine you don’t have to tell me.” but she shook her head, and he told her, “I’m so sorry to have brought it up.” Taking his hands in her own, she placed them to her lips, kissing each fingertip in turn, as her eyes took on a distant look, and drawing comfort from him she went on, “I was very young. Too young. He was as inexperienced as me. We were children playing an adults game, and all my friends had already played it. I felt as though I must be the oldest virgin in the world. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, I just felt pressurised to be like everyone else, to be able to join in the conversations, and know what I was talking about. There was no violins, no crashing waves, as I remember the whole event took place on and off over a couple of days, because nerves got the better of him too, rendering him incapable. Do you know I can’t even remember his name...I suppose its in my head somewhere, I shut it out and threw away the key, hoping to forget forever. When the time actually came and he was capable, I actually ran away, and he ran after me.” she laughed, a short stabbing laugh, “it was horrible.”
For long moments they sat there, side by side, neither speaking, neither moving, and Vincent felt terrible that he had made her re-live the experience. But then she exhaled a long breath, and looked into his eyes, “But you Vincent, you will erase the pain of that experience, along with all the rest.”
“The rest Catherine, you mean there have been others!” He knew of course that there had been he just hoped his teasing would make her smile again, and it worked, until her face saddened again. “Had I of known Vincent what, or rather who was waiting for me, I too would have waited, despite the fact of the ridicule I would have received from so called friends. If I have one regret in life Vincent, it would be that I didn’t wait for you, so that conversations like this would never have been, and you and I could have known the first time together.” Vincent gathered her to him then, “Oh Catherine, I’m sorry to have put you through such sadness, I only wondered...”
“If what you were feeling was normal human nervousness?”
“Yes.”
“It is Vincent believe me, but it gets better.”
“Catherine there is just one thing, something I have wondered, though its none of my business really.”
“What is it Vincent?”
“Did you ever sleep with Elliot?”
For a long time Catherine did not know how to answer, knowing with each passing second, that with her silence the answer was becoming more and more apparent, “I wish you had never asked me that Vincent.” she told him softly, “for the answer is yes.”
She looked down into her lap, twisting her hands together, unable to look at him.
“Yet you met me before you met him?” It was a statement rather than a question, and Catherine answered, “Yes again.”
She wrung her hands together for the umpteenth time, and then lifted a hand to her weary brow, and told him, “Vincent, you asked the question, what was I to say, lie to you?”
Her hand tried to rub away the headache that was forming, and Vincent could see how tired she was. He swallowed hard. What had he expected her to say? Hadn’t he suspected from the onset that she and Elliot had been that close? At one time it had ate into him for weeks, until he had learned to shut it away. And now here it was larger than life, on this their wedding night, and he had chosen this special night to have asked it. And now he wished he could take it back, for he could see how it had upset her. But he had needed to know, not because he relished the torment, but because he needed to know everything about her, all her secrets, before he felt he could make her his own.
“Catherine, I know you are tired, and I promise you after this night, you will never have to answer questions like this again, and don’t ask me why I have to ask, but I need to know Catherine. There must be no secrets between us, or nothing in either of our pasts to remain unknown.”
“What is it you wish to know Vincent, how many lovers I have had?”
Vincent winced, her words stung him, “They are not secrets Vincent, they are part of my life with the exception of Elliot that I lived before coming to know you. I regret almost all of them Vincent, those that were lovers, but I can handle the knowledge by myself. What would the knowledge do to you? However, since you have asked and since you seem capable of accepting the knowledge then let me tell you, I have had four lovers. Four very different lovers. Though I have never loved any of them the way that I love you.”
And then her body shook with sobs, and Vincent cradled her close to him, why had he put her through that, what maliciousness had overcome him, to ask it? Her pain became his pain, and gently he lay her down in the crook of his arm, and without undressing, he drew the quilt over them, “Hush now, sleep, I am here, I will not leave you, ever. I love you Catherine.”
And as soft grey layers of sleep gathered and fell, the two slept soundly entwined for comfort, in one another’s arms.
The following morning, before Vincent opened his eyes, he thought he must be dreaming. He was unusually warm, and the scent of Catherine was close. Yet the steady rhythm of her breathing told him that she was right there beside him in his bed.
Her closeness intoxicated him and he was surprised to find that in sleep as he had cradled her close, his hands had come to rest on the curve of each breast, and he felt slightly dizzy as he came to realise this. Fully awake now, he did not like to withdraw his hands lest it disturbed her, yet he found it embarrassing to keep them there. So very carefully he withdrew them, opening his fingers, and stretching them so that his hands no longer touched her, but she murmured her protest and he brought them back against her at once.
Snuggling into her back, he kissed her neck, until she squirmed and whispered his name, and he wondered if it had always been this way? That in sleep the first name that came to her mind on wakening had been his. However, recalling the events and the conversation of the previous evening, a hot flush crept along his spine. Whatever had possessed him to put her through all that? Yet even so, his mind began to recall her words, and he found himself wondering about the other men that had loved her.
Then he began to wonder who else had held her close the way he was now holding her close, whosoever else’s name she had whispered on awakening. Did they ever think of her? No doubt Elliot did, for Elliot had never stopped loving her. That in a small way pleased Vincent, to know that Catherine had chosen him above such a wealthy and good-looking man of the world.
Catherine stirred, pulling her arms free of the covers and sighed with pleasure as the coolness of the chamber caressed her bare arms. Bare arms! When had she taken off her dress! Vincent had no re-collection of her undressing before they had fallen asleep, yet now as he plucked up the courage to move his hands, he found all she had on was her underwear. Almost as if she knew his thoughts, she whispered, “I slipped off the dress while you were sleeping, I grew too hot within it.”
“I’m sorry Catherine did I wake you.”
“Yes and no, something has been echoing through the Bond for some time. You are uneasy about something.” Rolling over to face him, Catherine manoeuvred herself until she was level with his face. “What is it Vincent? What is on your mind?” And then she remembered the evenings’ questions, and groaned, “Oh darling, I’m sorry, as I remember I was rather sharp with you just before we fell asleep wasn’t I? Please forgive me Vincent.”
“The fault was mine, I should never have put you through all that.”
“Vincent last night I was so tired. I couldn’t cope with the memories you awoke in me, some of them were bitter yet it was almost as if they belonged to someone else and I was looking back on someone else’s life. For you have changed me Vincent. You have brought out a better part of me that I never knew existed. In many respects Vincent this new me is as inexperienced in love making as you are, and that’s all you need to know.”
A soft tapping turned their attention from each other, and Vincent struggled to sit up, “Father is that you?”
“No, its me Devin. Can I come in?”
“Yes.”
Devin came through the entranceway cautiously, “You sure I’m not disturbing you?”
“No but you do pick your moments.” Vincent laughed at his brother’s expression.
“But you’ve had all night!”
“Not long enough,” Vincent told him, his eyes bright with mischief. “So what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?”
Devin flopped himself down at the edge of their bed, swivelling himself round so that one knee was brought up on the quilt, and he could look into their faces. “I wanted to say goodbye really, I don’t like leaving Charles too long unattended, but there is something I would like to show you first. Call it a wedding present if you like.”
“What is it?” Catherine was clearly excited.
“Not so much a what as a where. At the time it seemed a good idea, but now, well I’m not so sure, but I’ve paid the first month’s rent, and so you may as well use it for that long if nothing else.”
“Devin will you please explain?” Catherine laughed at him. He was obviously very nervous.
“I found this brownstone. It has perfect access to the tunnels, and a large warm basement. I just thought as Vincent was always worried about taking you away from the world Above, that you could use the brownstone to combine both your worlds. Won’t you come and let me show it to you?”
Vincent and Catherine exchanged glances, and Vincent reached for Devin’s hand, “That was a wonderful idea Devin. Is it far from here?”
“Not really, that’s why I thought it was so perfect.”
“Then what’s the problem Devin? For there is a problem isn’t there?” Catherine asked him, with laughter in her voice.
“I was presumptuous. The rent is quite high, and when I paid the first month, it was all I could afford, but I didn’t think it would be too much for you Cathy, to keep on. I regret that now, it was like spending your money for you.”
“Devin that’s okay. I’m sure I could afford it, besides, some things are worth having whatever they cost.”
“Devin’s eyes lit up, “You think so? Oh I do hope so. It’s a great place. It has been looked after, and round the back there is this high wall, that fences off a small garden...somewhere for your children to play...” he coloured up suddenly, “that’s assuming...”
“Its okay Devin don’t be embarrassed “Vincent and I do plan to have several children.”
Devin’s mouth dropped open wide, “For real! But Vincent you always said...”
“I know, but things change Devin, and Catherine has taught me to believe in myself. So then give us a few minutes to get changed, and we will join you.”
“What about breakfast? Will you be going to the kitchen?”
“Oh I’m far too excited to eat Devin.” Catherine told him.
Devin smiled, “Only, you see the thing is, they are taking bets in there to see how long the pair of you will take in getting up.” He chuckled at Vincent’s expression.
“Does Father know?” Vincent did not think he did, he had always been against any form of gambling.
“He’s the instigator of it.” Devin laughed.
“What!” Vincent had never felt so embarrassed, “Come Catherine we must hurry.”
The brownstone was perfect. Catherine ran from room to room like an excited child let into a toy store, visualising living there, and Vincent thought he was dreaming, Devin had answered his prayers, “Now Catherine can continue with her work, and we can still be together.”
“Just like a normal married couple.” Devin told them, “I thought you would be pleased. Well I did at first, I rented it on impulse.”
“Could it have been anything else, you always were impulsive, but this time it hasn’t back fired on you. It’s the perfect solution Devin. Thank you.”
Devin beamed, “Of course you will have to make up a story for the neighbours, but I’m sure a lawyer will think of something impressive.”
“Like my husband is a coal miner.” Catherine laughed.
“Oh no, give me something better than that Catherine.” Vincent laughed.
“What do you suggest?”
“I have just the thing, I did actually give it some prior thought.” Devin hurried away into another room, and came back with a book in his hands, “Here, read this, it’s all about underground deposits, gemstones such as amethyst and jade. If you really want to make up a convincing story, Vincent could be a miner of such gemstones, not necessarily beneath your home, but anywhere, then you wouldn’t feel that you were lying to anyone.”
“That reminds me Devin did you know that the tunnels around Narcissa’s chamber were violet in colour? I believe the cavern above could be filled with amethyst. I wanted to check it out.”
“No I didn’t, but how convenient, there’s your first assignment in your new job. Must be fate.” Devin looked at his watch, “I have to go kiddo’s, I want to hit the road before the traffic builds up. I hate road jams. So I expect when I next call on you, I can actually come in through a door?”
Vincent and Catherine exchanged glances, “You can count on it Devin, and thank you again, this is just what we need.” Catherine told him happily, “I can’t wait to move in.”
Walking back to the home chambers, Vincent had never felt happier. Suddenly everything was slotting into place. All his worries had disappeared, Catherine could continue with her life, and they could still be together, and with access to the tunnels, and not being far from the home chambers he could still be very much a part of the only world he was accepted in.
There was still the last fear to be put aside, but he knew that with the way he had felt earlier, even that was dissipating. There was just one tiny problem though, he couldn’t lay his finger on it, and even throughout all of Catherine’s joy over the brownstone, and being able to live her life as she had known it, he sensed a sadness in her, from somewhere deep inside. Something she was yet to share with him, but for some reason was holding back, something which he had reminded her of the previous night.
When they and Devin parted company, Vincent led her to the mirror pool. A place he had found to be thinking ground, all the years of his life, and sitting her down beside the glistening pool, he asked her softly, “Catherine, I sense a sadness in you, can you not tell me what it is?”
Catherine bit her lip, “I was hoping you would not feel it. Its nothing Vincent, don’t worry.”
He lifted her face to his to look into her eyes, “Anything that saddens you affects me. Please my love you know you can tell me anything.”
Catherine shook her head, “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m trying to push it away. Leave it Vincent, its something and nothing, just someone else’s experience that worries me, that’s all.”
Vincent sighed, nodding slowly, “What would you like to do today?”
his blue eyes smiled. But she did not respond, the sadness was still there, so he gathered her close, listening to the gentle beat of her heart. Wishing he could erase the sadness from within her.
Later that day, Catherine found herself alone, and let the memories come to remind her. All night they had bombarded her dreams, so that when she woke, the memories were still there, a silent reminder that robbed her of the joy she should have felt. She was Vincent’s wife. She should be happy, but how could she be knowing that she had hurt him? Pacing the chamber, she wondered what to do. She had many regrets in her life, but this one hurt more. Had Vincent of not brought it up the previous evening, she might well have been able to keep the memory shut away, but now, now he had recalled everything to mind, and Catherine kept finding her memories stirred up again. It wasn’t even her own experience! Yet the more she tried to tell herself it was silly, that Vincent would never leave her, the more the thought just would not go away.
After several minutes of relentless pacing Catherine could stand no more, she had to get away, go someplace, distance herself. Maybe then she would be able to face it logically and put it behind her.
Running from the chamber, she passed Vincent without seeing him, and he dismissed all thoughts of calling after her. He knew she needed space, time to sort out whatever was bothering her, knowing she would tell him in time. Yet she did not know the tunnels well enough to make such a headlong flight, and Vincent followed her at a slower pace, just to make certain she was safe.
Catherine’s footsteps took her unknowingly down the pathway she had trodden the day before. Her feet seemed to have minds of their own, and she was surprised when she heard the familiar voice call out to her, “Come in child, your soul is troubled, let me help you.” and recognised Narcissa’s voice.
Catherine stopped dead, stunned, “I did not know...” she stammered, looking wildly around her, “Narcissa?”
“You were drawn here child, come, you and Vincent should be embarking upon a life together. What troubles you so?”
Catherine allowed Narcissa to lead her into the warm chamber, grateful for the heat from the stove that burned there, suddenly realising how cold the tunnels had been that she had passed through, and sat down in a large comfy chair opposite the old woman.
Burying her head into her hands, Catherine looked up again, to see Narcissa watching her, “Tell it in your own time child.”
And Catherine found the words tumbling out of her, “It sounds so silly really. It shouldn’t make any difference.” She hesitated.
Narcissa remained silent, ever watchful, waiting. Catherine continued, “After Vincent and I met, but before we fell in love, I met another man. You have probably heard of him.”
“Elliot Burch?” Narcissa spoke knowingly. Catherine was stunned and nodded, “Yes, Elliot Burch. Until I found things out about the man that I didn’t like, I found myself falling in love with him.”
Catherine hesitated, unsure of how much to disclose.
“You slept with this man?” Narcissa prompted.
Wide-eyed, again Catherine stared at the astute old woman. “Yes.” She told her softly.
“And you regret that now?” Narcissa probed.
“Yes and no. Looking back it was no different to the other relationships I have had and regretted. It’s only now that it hurts. Really hurts.”
“Because Vincent knows?”
“Yes. How do you know?”
“My dear your soul whispers words that your mouth does not.” Narcissa told her gently.
“Do you know what else I came here to say?” Catherine asked her.
“You tell me.” Narcissa chuckled softly.
Shaking her head Catherine went on. “ I never intended to tell Vincent. Not that I wanted secrets from him, no not that. But I knew the knowledge would hurt him. And I fear now that in time it will come between us, and break us up.”
“You have an experience that convinces you of this?”
“Yes. Though not my own. A friend, Sarah, she married and then her husband found out she had slept with someone he considered his arch enemy, before they’d married. It destroyed them. Destroyed their marriage. He couldn’t get it out of his head, and in time it ruined everything that they shared. If this should happen to Vincent and I it would kill me.”
“It doesn’t ordinarily follow my dear that Vincent will act the same way as this man. Vincent is different.”
“Yes I know, his heart is good. In many respects purer than a worldly man. So it could hurt him far more.”
She paused, the Bond was telling her that Vincent was close, he had followed her, and was listening outside. That was unusual for Vincent, he wouldn’t normally eavesdrop.
Outside in the tunnel, Vincent held his head back against the tunnel wall, the tears falling silently.
“You came here seeking answers child, but really these answers are not mine to give. It is Vincent you should speak to, and I feel he is close.”
Outside in the tunnel, Vincent brushed away the tears, as like a volcano he could feel Catherine’s agony building up to a crescendo, and he knew he had to go to her. Catherine’s heart was calling to him through the Bond. She needed him with her.
Slowly, he left the chilly tunnel, stepping beneath the great heavy curtain, into the warmth of the chamber, and walked across to Catherine, putting his hands firmly upon her shoulders. Catherine reached for one of his hands, drawing it to her lips, to kiss the tips of his fingers. Before looking up into his eyes.
She found compassion there, and love, and not one trace of reproach.
“It does hurt.” He whispered sincerely, “Elliot is not a favourite of mine.” He chuckled softly, “But he is in your past, and on occasion my life has been saved through his kindness. You were not to know, neither can you be blamed for believing in him at a time when you needed someone. A time when all we shared was a dream. I love you Catherine, and nothing and no one will ever come between us, least of all this.”
“I feel that I have let you down.” Catherine told him sincerely.
Vincent shook his head, “No. You could never let me down. Elliot, Tom, Stephen the boy of your youth, they are all in your past. As Lisa is in mine. It’s what we have now that is important. And I for one am eager to begin our future with you.” His blue eyes twinkled, and Narcissa chuckled knowingly.
Catherine smiled. “It does sound ridiculous now doesn’t it? I really did let it get to me. I should have known you wouldn’t hold it against me.”
“Yes you should.” He smiled. “So Mrs. Wells are you ready to embark upon our future?”
“Yes. And thank you Vincent.”
“For what?”
“For everything. For following me here, for finding me, for loving me, for believing in me.” she turned to Narcissa then, “And thank you Narcissa, I feel as though you gave me tunnel vision too. The way ahead is bright again.”
Narcissa shook her head, waving away Catherine’s thanks, “you were led here child, just as surely as you were led to Vincent, and now nothing stands in the way of your happiness. Nothing stands in the way for either of you. Go now, you have both already wasted too much time. Go build your own memories.”
Catherine rose from the chair feeling lighter of spirit than she had in a very long time, and taking Vincent’s hand, they journeyed together back towards their chamber in silence.
Once inside, Vincent pulled the screen that covered the entrance across it for privacy, and took Catherine in his arms, “I love you.” He told her sincerely bending his head to take her lips beneath his own hungrily. His kiss deepened making Catherine’s head spin. And when his eyes told her of his longing Catherine wound her arms around his neck, and he lifted her clean off the floor to carry her over to their bed.
Everything was all right now. There were no more fears, no more sorrows. They were ready to begin their life together.
And as their bodies finally joined as one, every last shadow was cast from their minds.
Disclaimer
The stories found within this website have been written by and for lovers of the American television series Beauty and the Beast and no infringement upon the rights held by Ron Koslow, CBS, Republic Entertainment, Witt-Thomas Productions or any other Copyright holder to Beauty and the Beast is intended.
Furthermore all the stories found on this website belong to Wendy Tunnard de-Veryard, are protected by copyright and none should be copied, added to or subtracted from or altered in any way, without the prior authorisation of the author.
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