The blare of car horns from the city streets eighteen floors below filtered through the open balcony doors, signalling the start of another day for Catherine. Beneath the cosy covers of her duvet, she stirred a smile upon her lips as she continued to dream about Vincent, moments before the shrill of the alarm clock cut through her sleep pattern. And as one slender arm reached from the covers to snuff out the sound, the other wearily pulled back the duvet, while her eyes tried to focus beyond the sunlight that streamed into the room.
Groaning she pulled her body from the softness of the bed, and flicked open her diary on the bedside table to see what was scheduled for the day. In less than an hour she was due in court, and then if all went according to plan, the afternoon was booked for new assignments, which had been waiting for her to start on them for a whole week.
That was the difficulty of living two very different lives, and of the burden of keeping the secret safe of the world Below the city streets, along with having to make the long journey to and from his world via the tunnels, on foot every Saturday and Sunday. Catherine found that with her increased workload, and making the journey at weekends to spend the only bit of free time she had with him, that she rarely had time to look after herself properly, and found that life was becoming more and more dissatisfying. Yet Vincent continued to tell her how important her work was. And though she insisted that the world would continue like clockwork without her in it, he would not listen, insisting that she had a life to lead and just because their paths had crossed, it was not good enough reason for her to turn her back on the life she knew. What he failed to recognise was that had they not met, she would likely have been married to Tom by now, and left the working world to become a full time wife and mother. And when she really thought hard along those lines she admitted to herself that was the whole problem of her unrest and dissatisfaction these days. Whereas once her life had been geared to finding herself a husband and letting him keep her, now all that stretched before her was the dismal thought of half a relationship and a very long working career that no longer gave her the satisfaction it once had. It was, she knew, time to move forward, to step out from the rat race and secure a future for herself, and the only one person she desperately wanted to secure it with was Vincent. The issue was how to convince him of it, for Vincent firmly believed that her work was important, not just in helping others, but also through their emphatic connection it kept their dream alive.



For Three long years Vincent convinced her of these things, until after the death of her father, when once again Catherine spent healing time Below with Vincent in her grief, and those feelings of not belonging anywhere anymore, came back with a vengeance.
She simply had to make Vincent believe that she was ready to live Below with him. Yet to do so would be to bring about a confrontation between them that he seemed incapable of believing within himself. That of the necessity of deepening their complex relationship beyond the boundaries of mere friendship.

Trudging along to the courtroom in less than an hour, Catherine began to dwell on the life she led. Since her father’s death, and selling his business she had a swelling bank balance, and no need of working for a wage herself. At any time she chose she could just slip away, letting friends believe that she had left New York if it came to needing to provide answers in that way. For many of her friends had drifted away since she had known Vincent anyway, since she gave up mixing in the social circles she had once been a constant member of. There were only her long standing friends like Jenny and Nancy to convince, and they had already accepted that she was in a relationship that she had for reasons known only to herself preferred not to speak about.
Besides there was no need to give up her apartment. Vincent, she knew enjoyed the hours they could spend there looking out over the city, and since he had relented and entered the apartment itself, he also enjoyed the evenings watching television and videos or just being domesticated in the kitchen. And if the need arose she could always arrange to meet her friends there, so that they need never know that the apartment was not where she resided anymore.

As the answers began to build within her mind, her step quickened and as she became suddenly filled with a fresh sense of well-being, Catherine made it to the courtroom on time, her mind well and truly made up.

However, there was one who was not so easy to convince aside from Vincent and that was Joe Maxwell, her boss and long time admirer.
“Cathy, tell me you aren’t serious, you can’t do this to me.”
“Joe.” she told him, “My mind is made up. I owe everything to you, for believing in me, for giving me this job to start with, but you must have realised that I wouldn’t be part of the cogwheel forever.”
“No, not for ever Cathy, but I had hoped...hell, I’d hoped in a lot of things. You must know what you mean to me?”
“That I’m your best worker, that the place will fall apart without me?” She teased him.
Joe frowned, serious at last, “No, Cathy. More than that.” The sadness in his eyes, told her all she had tried to ignore for years, as wearing his heart on his sleeve, those eyes begged her to stay.
Shaking her head, she told him softly, “I’m sorry Joe. I will miss you, but I have to make my own way in life, and there is someone that needs me.”
“The other guy huh, whatshisname?”
“Yeah Joe, whatshisname.”
“Sometimes Cathy, I wonder if this Mr. Mystery actually exists. That its not just some shield to hide behind since your attack.”
“Joe!”
“Its true Cathy. I can’t help but think it. Could be that you are so afraid of having a relationship, that you hide behind the invisible man, to make out you are involved with someone to keep the rest of us at bay. After all no-one has ever seen this guy, or heard you speak about him.”
Catherine signed deeply, he was right of course in many ways, but wrong about the very solid existence of the man she loved. “He does exist Joe, but he has his reasons for not wanting to be seen.”
“Gee, he’s not a criminal is he?”
“No Joe, he’s not a criminal.”
“Disabled?”
Cathy grimaced, “In a way, yes, though not so that he cannot walk or do all the things you and I could do. Look I’m sorry Joe, if there was a way that you could meet him I’d see to it that you did, but there isn’t and you just have to trust me on that.”
“How long have you known him?”
“Three years.”
“And are you going to live with him?”
“Yes.”
“Will you be getting married?”
“If he asks me.”
“You mean he hasn’t?”
“No. Not that it matters.”
“Then promise me something Cathy?”
“Yes Joe.”
“If you find that he doesn’t make all your dreams come true that you’ll come back here to me,” he blushed, “to work that is.”
“I won’t hesitate Joe.” She smiled, making a feeling of melancholy washed over him.
“Just one more thing Cathy.”
“Yes Joe?”
“This guy, this whatshisname,” Cathy inclined her head waiting for him to continue, he seemed to have trouble finding the words, “Does he actually have a name? Not that’s its any of my business, of course.” he blushed again.
“No, not that its any of your business,” she teased, “Nonetheless, if it helps to make you believe he exists. His name is Vincent.”
Joe sighed. There was no more doubt in his mind. The way she uttered the name, the love in her voice as the name slipped from her lips, the brightness of her eyes told him how much she loved this guy. Yet it did nothing for his own morale, he had secretly hoped that it had been all a farce, and that maybe, just maybe there would be hope for him.
Sadly, he stepped towards her taking up her hands in his, “And there is no way you can have your life with him, and still work for me?”
“No. I’ve already tried that Joe. Its wearing me out. It’s all or nothing in either direction, and I love him so much I have to be with him, its as simple as that. But hey, don’t look so downhearted Joe, I promise to work the whole of my month’s resignation.”
Joe nodded, resigning himself to the inevitable, Catherine was leaving and already he felt as if the sun had been eclipsed and the light gone out of his life forever.

Vincent wasn’t quite so happy when they met later that day at the threshold beneath her apartment basement, “But why Catherine? Surely you know that while living Above, you live for us, for our dream. Your work is important to you and you are good at it, you must not give it up.”
Catherine groaned inwardly, she had known he would try to make her see his kind of sense, “I must Vincent.” she tried to convince him, “I never expected to spend my entire life as a working woman. Do you intend that I should? I want more from life than a career, doesn’t every woman?”
Vincent tore his eyes away from hers, looking down at his feet, he knew what she was driving at. He had felt it via their Bond, yet he did not know if he could dare give her what she needed, to fulfil her craving. Swallowing hard he listened as she went on, “Our dream can just as well be lived Vincent if I am here with you Below, even more so, than if I stayed Above.”
He dare not look at her, to see her eyes telling him, what her heart cried out would be too much. He knew she needed him, and if he were honest with himself, he knew he needed her too. Those weeks when she had stayed Below following her father’s death, had been perfect, and for a moment he had allowed himself to dream of impossible things. Yet even now, knowing the truth of her words he shook his great head sadly, “It is all I have ever dreamed to have you live in my world, but to have you so close, to see you every day, what will it do for us? It could destroy what we already have.”
“Yes absence makes the heart grow fonder Vincent, and believe me it has. I love you so much, and now I know the need to be with you. We are something that has never been, you told me so yourself, surely then it makes sense to be together as much as possible. People such as yourself don’t crop up more than once in a lifetime, and it is unthinkable that I should be made to live a day without you, when what we have is so precious.”
Vincent smiled, “I’ve never quite seen myself in such glorious light Catherine.”
“Then you should. Vincent you are beautiful. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, please accept that.”
Pondering on the truth of her words, feeling her steady heartbeat through their connection, Vincent knew this was no mere whim on her part. She had thought it over very carefully, yet still he could not allow it. “I can see what you are trying to accomplish Catherine. That by dropping out of the working world I will have no further grounds to prevent you from living Below in my world, and that is a reasonable assumption Catherine, yet I still think you are wrong to turn your back on it. You are good at your job Catherine, many people have been and still would be grateful for the help that you have to give, and it is unthinkable that you should deny them your compassion by burying yourself beneath the city for the rest of your life.”
“And what of you Vincent? Are you any less important that you should not partake of my compassion either. Vincent, compared to you, those people mean little to me. And all that I am to them is a good lawyer well paid for my work, surely I should be destined for greater things?”
“You could be. With promotion, you could go right to the top. I know you, you have the ability to be D.A. someday.”
“That’s not what I meant Vincent, and you know it. Do you only see me as a good lawyer?”
“Of course not. I love you more than life.”
“Then let me share that life Vincent, I want to be with you. I need you, that life Above isn’t mine anymore.”
His eyes closed, Vincent moaned softly, and opened them to look her in the eye to say, “To have you so close, to share my life, do you know what you are asking of me Catherine? I cannot be what I wish to be, and yet to have you so near would be torture to deny myself. The time we spend apart I can regain control over my members until we see one another again.”
“I’m sorry Vincent, but it is no less for me. And it needn’t be that way. I don’t want to bring you pain Vincent, I want only to love you.”
In his anguish Vincent groaned.
“Vincent, can’t you see what you continue to do? On the one hand you wish to be a man, and on the other you push away from yourself the very right that makes you a man, by denying yourself the very basic of human needs. Vincent to be a man, you have to accept the responsibilities that go along with it.”
“And I suppose you are going to tell me what that is?”
“If I wanted to humiliate you, then yes, but I don’t. You know what it is Vincent, you only have to accept it and stop pushing me away. With love Vincent we can be anything to one another that we want, as long as we have mutual trust and honesty, and an overwhelming desire to be together.”
At last Vincent began to accept the truth of her words, as he spoke very quietly, “I do want to be with you Catherine. But dare we take the risk? How far are you prepared to take our relationship. What exactly are we talking here?” he whispered the last few words, averting his eyes from hers.
Grabbing his chin, Catherine forced him to look at her, as very, very softly, her words barely audible she whispered, “I want us to be lovers Vincent.”
His penetrating blue eyes never left hers and Vincent sucked in a sharp breath as a ripple of apprehension and desire ran through his body, sending his limbs weak with longing. “Lovers?” He repeated softly, “And you think this would be right for us?” Did his voice tremble? He was sure that it had.
Catherine’s eyes sparkled with love for him, “Yes.”
For a long moment he stared at her, his heart beating so incredibly fast, his ears pounded with the sound. So much he wanted to crush her to him, bring her dreams to fruition, so much he wanted to make love to her, and his body alone started to betray his needs, before his mouth had time to utter the words she longed to hear. Pulling his cloak firmly around him, lest she see the way her words had affected him, he swallowed hard, not knowing how to reply or question her further.
“Don’t you want to make love to me Vincent?” Her words so softly spoken brought about a response that was crushing, as his answer tore from his throat, “Catherine,” he groaned mortified, “I want nothing more.” Rocked to his feet he slumped into the dust on his knees, the weight of her question too much to withstand.
One hand on his shoulder, the other beneath his chin, she turned his face to look at her, and he drowned in the love from her eyes, “Vincent, we have to move forward, don’t you see. For three years we have endured, and I know what holds you back, this beast in you, that you are convinced controls all your passions, I believe even he needs to move forward in our relationship, and I am not afraid of him.”
“Then you should be afraid, He could savage you to death.” Rising to his feet, he could no longer deny himself the comfort of holding her close to him, despite the fact that she would know for a certainty how his body betrayed him. A deep ache had infested itself within his loins, and a hunger for her had erupted within his soul.
“No, Vincent, that side of you would never hurt me, for he loves me too.”
“I wish I had your faith.”
“Vincent what does it take to convince you?” Pulling away from his arms she searched his eyes, they mirrored her own desire, and she’d felt how she had affected his body too, “I don’t want a life Above anymore. I don’t even want to be in this city, now is the time for me to move on. If not for loving you Vincent, I would probably have gone to live in the country or the mountains by now. I’ve had enough of city life.”
“And you really mean that don’t you, I can feel within you this certainty.”
“Yes, and I meant the other things too. I want us to share a life together Vincent and I am offering you the chance of happiness that you deserve. Don’t be afraid to take it Vincent. Don’t be afraid to want it. What you and I have is enchanted, some people dream of what we share and never find it, it is unthinkable that we should waste precious time apart when we could be together. Unthinkable.”
Vincent nodded. Slowly Catherine was breaking down his barriers. Once he would have endeavoured to re-build his defences rapidly, now he knew there was no need. She was right of course, he had always known she was, and whenever he had convinced her otherwise the satisfaction he should have felt was always long in coming, always he felt as if he had betrayed himself. Gently he put his feelings into words, “I do....want to make love to you Catherine....” He faltered. His limbs felt as if someone had taken away his bones and filled the cavity with jelly all of a sudden, and he found it impossible to continue. Catherine smiled, reaching out a hand to lay deliberately high upon one thigh, “I can see that you do.” She teased, sending a bolt of blazing desire through him, though he tried hard to dispel it, and sighed, “There’s no hiding anything from you is there?”
“That you want me Vincent.” she whispered huskily, “That I want you, here, now, anywhere. God! I need you so much.” She groaned as the ground seemed to drift away beneath her feet and she shuddered with her longing, almost embarrassed at her inability to contain herself before him. Never had she allowed herself to openly desire him so, allowing him into her mind and heart via the Bond in such a way, and never had she felt so utterly ready for him within his very presence. Her eyes blazed into his, the longing so obvious that Vincent was unable to turn his sight from hers, did not want to do, did not know how to do. His very body seemed to have become detached somehow, and he found his arms reaching for her, drawing her close, his lips down to her own, his mouth fastened on hers, as his body ground into her, feeling the instant response as she imitated his movements.
Groaning he ripped his mouth from hers, turning his face away to hide his shame, his words torn from his lips, “Catherine, we can’t do this. I can feel him, he wants you as much as I do, I can’t allow him, I can’t.”
Grabbing his shoulders, Catherine begged him, “No! Its not him, No, Vincent can’t you feel it, if you have a beast inside you, then I have one no less, feel it in me Vincent, my need is crying out to love you. I cannot stop this Vincent and neither can you, so let your beast and mine partake of each other Vincent, while you and I become the lovers we were destined to be.”
Her words stunned him, her need frightened him. He could not be what she wanted him to be, her body betrayed her, just as much as his own did for him, he needed space and lots of it, and he needed it now!
“Catherine, it is impossible, already we have begun a journey I am not prepared to continue, I cannot. It goes against everything I have convinced myself of and we have forsaken the friendship we already had by embarking upon it. Things will never be the same from now on Catherine, always this will stand between us.” His voice racked with pain filled her, froze her to the core and as her eyes opened wide with disbelief, she whispered, “What are you saying Vincent?”
“We must finish it, Catherine. It is too dangerous. I can no longer fight myself, and I can see now that you will always offer a temptation beyond endurance. It can never be!” His words flung at her, his chest heaving, he turned his eyes from her own, repeating softly, dejectedly, “It can never be,” as turning from her, he fled into the shadows hearing her call, “You will never convince me Vincent, can you any more convince yourself? I think not Vincent.” she cried as loud as she could so he’d hear her, then via the Bond her heart whispered, “I think not Vincent, I think not”, as her trembling body sank with dejection to the dusty floor, and she sobbed as though her heart would break.

Working through her month’s resignation, Catherine’s mind really wasn’t on her work, and Joe was concerned about her, but said nothing, believing that she was thinking about her future, and she was, though not in the way she had hoped.
Since that day Vincent had run from her, she had not seen him, and when she had tried to contact him via their connection, she found to her distress that he had closed it off very firmly at his end. Void of thought or feeling, she did not know what to do with her life anymore, only that she would continue to work out her notice and take it from there.
If she and Vincent really were finished, she would leave the country, perhaps immigrate to England or Australia, and try to start a new life for herself, without him.
Yet try as she might, she could not go just like that and so as she completed her final day at the office, she made up her mind. If he wouldn’t come to her, then she would go to him, at least to say Goodbye to those Below if nothing else.

Walking through the familiar tunnels later that day, her mind was in turmoil. The desire with which she had driven Vincent away no longer troubled her. In this instance absence had not made the heart grow fonder, but neither had it been out of sight out of mind, for her mind had thought of little else. Vincent, Vincent, Vincent, her mind had screamed day in, day out, wanting nothing more than to be with him. Yet that was all she craved now, to feel his arms around her, holding her, fusing her body into his, one being, one life, one heart. Nothing more nothing less.
Rounding the corner into the last stretch towards the home chambers, she caught sight of him, striding just a head of her, and her heart leapt. He felt it, though he had closed down on the Bond. Having her so close, her feelings broke through, the force staggered him by the intensity of love that steeped through him, and he turned in an instance to see her there, her name bursting from his lips, “Catherine,” as a feeling of intense longing accelerated through his body.
Keeping her voice light, almost as if nothing had happened between them, she continued to walk towards him, “Hello Vincent, are you well?”
Instantly his guard was back in place, “Yes, and you?”
She reached his side, “Yes.” Suddenly there was nothing to add.
They looked at one another for long moments, there was so much to say, yet the words for neither of them would form. So much each wanted to do, yet unable to offer. Catherine wanted only to slip into his arms. If only he would open them to her, but he did not, could not, for fear his racing heart would once again fester into a situation that he could not run from. Not down here, not in his world, where so many people were around to witness it.
More for something to say than anything else, Catherine heard herself asking, “Is Father in?”
Vincent frowned, “You are here to see Father?”
“Yes, is he in?”
“I believe he is in his chamber, I don’t know for a certainty, I was just coming home myself, from work in the lower tunnels, hence all this dust.”
He brushed the dirt from his clothing, finding himself asking her, “I’ll walk with you to his chamber.”
Catherine shrugged, “As you wish.”
Her indifference grieved him, and he could find nothing more to say, as they walked side by side in a silence that lacked affection, though every inch of them screamed out to hold the other’s hand, as they walked along. Very much aware of one another, they both sighed with relief when they reached the security of Father’s chamber, and smiled as one as the old man turned in their direction.
“Catherine!” Father cried, coming to meet her with his arms outstretched. It was all Catherine could do not to break down and cry, “How good it is to see you my Dear. Will you stay for supper?”
Watching Vincent’s retreating back, as he headed for the bathroom to shower, Catherine heard herself say “No, Father I cannot, I am here only to say goodbye.”
Vincent stopped in his tracks, his head jerked round to face her as Father cried out, “Goodbye! Cathy? Whatever do you mean?”
“I’m leaving New York Father. I’ve left my job, and I am going to England to begin a new life for myself.”
“To England! I don’t understand. Vincent said nothing to me.” Turning to face his son, he looked from one to other of them, as Catherine went on, “That’s because Vincent didn’t know. And obviously he has not informed you that our relationship is finished. There is nothing more to hold me here,” she shrugged, “So I am leaving.” She added feebly, holding the ever present tears at bay.
“No!” a sudden roar tore from Vincent’s throat, as his eyes filled with tears, and he found himself striding towards her, to gather her into his arms and crush her against him, “No.” he sobbed, “Don’t, don’t leave me.”
Slipping away quietly, Father left them, his heart heavy. That the two needed space was more than obvious, and he would only be in the way.
“I thought you wanted this Vincent.” her voice barely audible, a spark of hope flared within her heart.
“You know I didn’t. I love you. This past month has been hell for me. I thought I was coping, but then seeing you again just moments ago, my heart flipped with such hope that I knew I was wrong to believe I could live without you. Oh Catherine I have missed you so much. Forgive me. Forgive me?” He groaned, burrowing his face into her hair.
Snaking her arms around his neck, Catherine leaned her face wearily against his shoulder, and sighed, it was like coming home after a very long and arduous journey, still it had not resolved anything and he knew it.
“I love you Vincent, but can we go on? Is there a future for us if you won’t accept what we have to be to one another?”
Looking deeply into her eyes, he wished to sink himself within the emerald depths and never re-surface. He shook his head sadly, “You know the way it is Catherine. I cannot be what you need me to be.”
“And I cannot continue with things the way they were. I have finished with my life Above Vincent. I am prepared to live here with you in yours, but to do that I need a commitment from you, if not now, then something, anything to give me a hope for our future together.”
“I cannot give that confirmation Catherine, neither can I be what you want me to be. Hear me Catherine, I cannot be your lover!”
“Just who are you trying to convince Vincent, me or yourself. For you will never convince me. Why does your heart deny what your body betrays. You want me Vincent Wells, and you can’t deny it.”
Vincent moaned weakly, his whole body sagging low into a chair, “I must, I must.” He groaned.
“Why? No don’t tell me, I’m sorry Vincent, we are just going to go round and round in circles over this. I love you, I need you, and I am prepared to give up everything to be with you. I want to love you, to make love with you, to marry you, to have your children...”
Vincent’s head jerked around sharply at her words, seeing the honesty in her eyes, as she continued, “to be with you till time indefinite, but if you can’t accept that Vincent, then I cannot be with you, or anywhere near you. We have to sever this friendship Vincent and we have to sever it good, or it will drive me insane.”
“I think I have already driven you there Catherine. You want my children!!! Look at me Catherine, Look at me! Can you stand there and honestly say, you would contemplate bringing into this world others like me!”
“Yes.” Catherine swallowed with difficult. Why did he always have to take things the wrong way?
Sensing her feelings he lowered his gaze, “ I do not understand you Catherine. Neither do you understand me, know what it is like to be me. To be destined to this life, a prisoner to a world that can be only half a life, shackled to a body from which there is no life. And you want to give up all there is of life Above to live in this cell with me! To forsake the sunshine, the colours, the ocean, the mountains, all the things for which my heart has yearned. If you want to turn your back on the very things which I would love to see just once, then Catherine you are already insane.” His words ground to a halt, knowing not, what else to add.
“Then there is no future for us Vincent. Once perhaps we could have taken this friendship to time indefinite, even forever,” she shook her head sadly, “but not now. Never now.”
He looked at her, long searching moments, he had to ask, but dared not, still he had to hear her say it, “Why. Why not now?”
“Oh Vincent, why are you so intent at dragging every last vestige of the obvious fact from me? It is so painful Vincent do you not know it?” Sighing as he said nothing, she continued softly, “Vincent, since the last time we saw one another, since that day, all those feelings, the intensity of those feelings, the words, the love, the, the, kiss, the way our bodies moulded together without conscious thought, everything Vincent, everything. Nothing can ever be the same again without going forward from that space in time, and if you are honest with yourself you know that as well as I do.”
“And you knew as well as I do, that to force this situation would destroy us, destroy all that we had. We took a risk, it failed and we lost everything, even as I said we would,” his eyes looked haunted almost piteous and Catherine sagged wearily into a chair.
“Then that is it Vincent, finito. For I cannot go on as we were, and not touch you, not kiss you again. It will always be there between us. To remind and taunt us, we are finished Vincent, and so...” She exhaled deeply and rose to her feet, “It is as I came here to say... Goodbye. Be Well Vincent.”
A crushing weight bore down on his heart as he sprang forward to grasp her receding shoulders in her exit, “How...” He roared, “How can I be well, Catherine, you have destroyed me. My heart is broken. If you step through that doorway and sever our relationship then you leave me as dead. I need you Catherine, if only as a friend.”
Turning to him, her head shaking from side to side, the tears coursing down her cheeks, she refused him, “You don’t know what you ask of me Vincent. Once I could have enjoyed celibate love with you, once I asked nothing more than that, and you gave it oh so beautifully, but what you ask now is impossible, for I know how much it destroys you to deny what I so much want to give. I offer you myself Vincent and you slap me, I offer you my body Vincent and you refuse me, I offer you everything I have and you deny me, what more is there Vincent, what more is there? If you want my life you have that too, for a certainty your refusal to let me into your world has destroyed the life in me.”
Standing facing him, her breath coming in rasping sobs, Vincent could only drop his hands to his sides and glare at her. “I don’t want you to go out of my life.” The words burst forth of their own accord, “but I cannot, cannot allow you to live here with me. To forsake all that you can have Above to be with me and neither can I have you here with me and not go forward.”
“Then what is there for us Vincent? We seem to be getting nowhere fast.” Her misery engulfed him, so that he had to turn away, and Catherine tried one last time, as she reached for him, turned him to face her, letting her barely audible words whisper, “Let me live with you Vincent, don’t be afraid to want it. I need a home and that life Above is not mine anymore. I want only to be where you are. I want only to love you.”
“No!”, his mind refused to acknowledge the truth, as a deep seated fear stole through his veins, “It can never be!” Still he clung to the words like some lifeline, believing in their intensity, knowing only that to stand back, apart from her he would retain some sensibility in this ever swirling whirlpool of emotion that forced to choke him.
“So be it Vincent. By your own mouth you have spoken, may you never live to regret it. Goodbye.” Running then Catherine fled, through the tunnels, the tears stinging her eyes. She should never have come, should have remained Above while she was strong enough to leave. Now she could never leave. Trapped in a snare of her own making, she would live through her days in the city Above with the bitter sweet knowledge that at least some connection to him no matter how slight was better than no connection at all.
The difference was now she belonged no-where, neither in his world or her own, and for once in her life she felt caught between worlds, with no home to call her own.

Reflecting on the problem Father sat at his table opposite Mary trying to decide what to do for the best, “ I have never seen him like this before Mary, it frightens me. Whatever can we do?”
“What is there to do Jacob? You said yourself it would come to this, though I never believed it myself. I would never have thought that Catherine of all people would have put such importance upon a sexual relationship with Vincent. Not Catherine, it is so unlike her.”
“He feels she is pressurising him into a situation he is unprepared to allow to develop between them. I can understand that, surely she can see it. There are obvious differences between them for God’s sake!”
“Yes, but Catherine sees only the man she loves.”
“And that makes it all right I suppose?”
“No, Jacob it doesn’t. But you know what it is to be so in love. You don’t notice the obvious, and you refuse to allow anyone to tell you what’s beneath your very nose.”
Father nodded, “Yes, she does rather see him through rose tinted glasses doesn’t she. And that she can visualise having a sexual encounter with him, only serves to remind me what a remarkable woman she is.”
“And how much she loves him. We have to help them Jacob, this silence is killing them both. Well it is Vincent, and I am certain it will be no less for Catherine.”
“I think then that you and I should visit her.”
“But I thought she was leaving the country?”
“That’s what she told Vincent, and myself, but I have received word from Peter that she is still at the apartment, and refuses to talk about her future to him or anyone else.”
“Then we must go to see her and go today.”

When Catherine answered the knocking at her door, she was surprised to find Father and Mary stood outside, and at once an icy hand clutched at her heart, “Vincent!” she cried, “Is he ill?”
“So you do still care. Yes he is well Catherine, may we come in, we thought we would visit you.” shocked to see how much weight she had lost and how unwell she looked.
Wordlessly, she stepped aside, beckoning them in, and bade them sit down, while she busied herself making tea for them both, without asking, delaying the inevitable.
When at last, there was nothing to do but sit and listen to what they had come to say, she sat down opposite them and waited.
“Catherine, I only want to know the answer to one question, for it baffles me greatly, and I cannot for the life of me understand why it has become so important to you, that you are prepared to throw away everything you had with my son, because of it.” Father found his words tumbled out without let-up. Catherine smiled at him, “Just ask the question Father.” For the first time in a long time her eyes lit up.
Taking a deep breath he ignored her teasing, “Why Catherine, tell me why is a sexual relationship with Vincent so important that you are prepared to throw away everything else you have shared because of it?” There he had said it.
“Is that what you all think?” Astounded Catherine whispered. “Does Vincent?”
“Are you telling me it isn’t?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong Father. I adore Vincent. I love him to distraction, and yes I do want a sexual relationship with him, but its not one-sided Father. I know he wants this too and it is because of his self denial of this need that he refuses to allow me to live in your world, because he cannot bear to have me so close and not give in to that need.”
“And why do you want to live in our world?”
Gesturing around the room, she told him, “I have all this, it is nothing. My mother and my father are dead. I have no family but for you and all those who I have come to love in your world. They are my family now and I want to be a part of that family in every way. I don’t feel that this life is mine anymore. I need to belong somewhere Father. I need a family and I need a home.”
Father nodded, “Then this need is not something that Vincent alone has the right to allow or refuse. You know our ways Catherine. Before coming to live Below, you have to be accepted by the council and I see no reason for them not to accept you, but could you honestly say you would want to be there, knowing Vincent lives there too and knowing that this problem between you remains unresolved?”
“That I don’t know Father. I only know that I need him and that these past few weeks I have missed him so much that I am prepared to forsake anything just to have back what we had. If he cannot except such a definite change in our relationship, then it doesn’t matter anymore. I just need him Father. I just need to be with him.” Her lips trembled as the tears threatened to overflow and Mary got up to drape her arm affectionately around Catherine’s shoulder to hug her tightly. She more than anyone knew the way the heartstrings tugged at wanting a man so desperately while it was a hopeless cause.
“You must come back with us Catherine.” She told her, “ Vincent needs you. We came here because we are so frightfully worried about him. He can no longer live without you, than you can without him, and you must find healing within the hearts of one another. Come with us now Catherine, for as long as you wish it, you will have the home and the family for which you crave.”
Catherine nodded, weakened by her longing to hold Vincent again. Her life had ebbed away these past few weeks, and she knew for a certainty that anything he had to offer her, was far better than nothing at all, she simply could not live without him.

Vincent was in his chamber, absentmindedly sorting through some inconsequential things when he looked up to find Catherine stood in the entrance way to his chamber. His heart somersaulted, and a ghost of a smile lit up his eyes, as with a sob that caught in her throat she came to him, throwing her arms around him, and held him like she would never ever let him go. “I’m sorry.” She whimpered, “I love you, I love you, love you.” The tears coursed down her cheeks unchecked and Vincent ‘s arms came up and around her holding her close to his thudding heart. He found he could voice no words, almost afraid. Each last time he had seen her, their conversation had ended the same way, and he was afraid. Afraid that she was here to torment him some more, though, how good it was to hold her, but then her words cut through his thoughts as she was telling him, “I need you Vincent. I can’t live without you, please forgive me for forcing you into a situation you aren’t prepared to go into, I promise I won’t try again. I just need to be with you so much it hurts.”
As he felt the salty taste from his own eyes touch his lips, he knew he too was crying and he breathed deeply of her fragrance, letting the scent fill his soul. Closing his eyes to the joy that was Catherine, he rejoiced at having her here in his arms where she belonged at last. No words would form they stuck in his throat but he had an overwhelming desire to kiss her that frightened him, consumed him, until he could deny it no longer. Bringing his lips to hers, he kissed her tenderly at first, briefly, but then with a passion that stunned the two of them and left them both breathless.
Gazing up into his eyes, the question unsaid he smiled at her as the kiss ended, “I could no more stop myself from doing that Catherine than I could expect the moon to fall from the sky. Oh! Catherine what you do to me. I love you so much.”
“It was beautiful Vincent, but unexpected. I am not going to allow myself to believe it will become a permanent fixture in our relationship though.”
“Why ever not, it is delightful” And as if to prove his point, he captured her lips beneath his own once again, holding on to some semblance of reality as he did so, nonetheless.
“Vincent, don’t.” Catherine could not believe her own mouth were saying the words and as Vincent inclined his head to question her, she went on, “Not unless you are prepared to take it further Vincent. And as I know that you are not, then your kisses are doing little for my self-control however welcome they are.”
He smiled then, a deep smile that lit his eyes, “All right Catherine, I’ll behave, just to have you back is enough. Though I too have done some thinking in your absence.”
Raising an eyebrow at him, she heard him continue, “It is true I can no more give you now what you want, than I could six weeks ago, when we terminated our relationship in the tunnel beneath your apartment basement, but I am prepared now to think about it.” Catherine gasped, her heart filling with hope, which he felt via their now fully opened Bond. “Yes Catherine,” he told her, “Your hope flares alongside my own and maybe what you wish for will come to pass. And maybe it won’t but I know this; that I cannot live without you and I do want to make love to you. I can no longer deny that not even to myself yet Catherine the fear still consumes me and I cannot make a promise to fulfil this desire that we both have, while I feel he is in control.”
Catherine nodded, understanding him totally. The Bond carried all his fears along to her, and she told him, “If only to be with you, then it is enough. All I ask is that you allow me to live in your world. Father said the choice is not yours to make, it is up to the council, but really I could not live here, knowing you did not want it.” she waited for him to answer.
“It won’t be easy Catherine, on either of us.”
“No, it won’t. But I need a home and a family Vincent and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. You of course are a bonus.”
Exhaling a long breath, Vincent sighed, “Put like that, what can I say. If you are convinced this is where you want to be Catherine, then so be it. And I do want you here, as hard as it may be on the both of us.”
Catherine leaned weakly against him, as a warm glow spread through her entire body, and she snuggled into his embrace, as his arms crushed her against him, his next words a delight to her ears, “Welcome home Catherine.”

It wasn’t easy. Just as Vincent had warned her, though not for the same reasons, transition from life Above to life Below wasn’t the way Catherine had imagined. If she thought that being Below would afford her more of an opportunity to see Vincent, then she was wrong, for Vincent had, as much as a nine to five job Below, as the one she’d had Above. There was always work for him. If not teaching the children, then opening up new tunnels, that sometimes took him away from the home chambers for days on end, and Catherine found that her time spent in his world wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as she had believed it to be.
Saying as much to Jamie one day, she was surprised to hear Jamie answer, “That’s because you don’t really belong here.”
Mouth agape, Catherine could only stare at her. “Not belong? But why?”
Jamie shrugged, “There was no need for you to leave your world behind. Those of us Below came to escape a violent parent or society in general, all you needed was a family, and there are thousands like you that need just that, yet they do not feel the need to bury themselves away in order to find it, and neither did you.”
Was she right? Catherine reasoned on her words. In many respects a ring of truth rang from them, yet it altered nothing. Simply she was in love with Vincent, had to be where he was, but for that she could have made her own way in her own world, waiting for the right man to sweep her off her feet, marry her and build a home with her and their children. That’s what it was all about wasn’t it? Life?
Despondency reared its ugly head in her heart, and as she wandered aimlessly for the rest of the day along the tunnels, seeking she knew not what, she found herself outside of Mary’s chamber and decided to seek solace there.
“Come in child.” Mary bade her, and Catherine found herself relating to her the recent conversation with Jamie. “And how do you feel about that Catherine?” Mary’s kindly eyes surveyed her.
“I think perhaps she is right. There is nothing for me to do down here. I’m no longer a guest in your world. The council accepted me as a permanent resident, yet I don’t feel as if I belong.”
“And Vincent hasn’t made it any easier for you has he?”
“No. I see less of him now than before. Oh we see one another at meal times when he isn’t working below, but we don’t seem to spend the time together that we once did.”
“Perhaps that’s because there is no privacy here, and being with him in his chamber is too private for the two of you to cope with, considering the underlying problem.”
Catherine sighed, “Yes, I suppose that’s it.”
“Look, Cathy tell me to mind my own business, but what it is you truly want from Vincent, or from your life in general. That is if you know the answer to that question.”
Catherine nodded, “Yes I know the answer Mary. Nothing has changed, despite what I told Vincent, and via our Bond he knows the truth in that, that’s why he is afraid to spend time with me, afraid I will corner him again into a situation he is unprepared to face. The answer Mary, it’s simple, or it is to me. I want to marry him, have his children, have a purpose in life, but I cannot get him to believe in it.”
Mary nodded, “How well I know those feelings Catherine. Though it is far, far different for you two, because you two accept that there is love between you, and desire, but me, well it is a one sided affair. Nonetheless, it makes the situation no less complicated.”
“Then how do you cope Mary. Being near someone you love and not having them return that love. It is much the same with Vincent and I. He just does not want to advance, while me, well I want nothing more and this unfulfilled life brings me pain.”
“More so because you know how it feels to love. I know that too. Though it was a long time ago, and I try not to think about it. But you, well you are young, and yet not so young that you don’t feel the years rushing past you, leaving little time to start the family you yearn for. Vincent on the other hand, does not know what it is to have had this kind of love, and be forced to live without it. Oh yes he has dreams, but his dreams cannot prepare him for the reality. Whereas you, well you know what it is you and he are missing and that drives you Cathy, yet it is a force which if not handled right can drive you in the wrong direction.”
“I would do anything Mary, anything to feel only that I belonged here. You know I really believed that this could be my home, but it doesn’t feel so. I really wanted a family, but most of you though dear are strangers to me. Can you understand that. I mean no offence.”
“Yes, I can understand that. And really Cathy, its not bricks and mortar or in this case rock tunnels and chambers that make a place a home. Being within the safety of four stone walls, doesn’t necessarily make you feel as though you belong, does it?”
“No, yet it is what I believed I had searched for. All my life, or at least since my mother died, thus shattering the security I once knew, I feel that I have searched for somewhere to belong, to have a home to call my own. I truly believed that being here I would find it, but it eludes me. Still it eludes me.” She sighed despairingly, “Perhaps it always will.”
Mary sighed deeply, the despair in Catherine’s voice so evident, it made her feel immensely sad, “I think you are looking in the wrong direction Catherine. Its not solid walls that will give you the security for which you yearn wherever you may look, it’s not that at all.”
“Then what is it Mary, can you answer me that?”
“Yes, this feeling of not belonging Catherine stems from your need to be as one with Vincent, with any man really as long as you love him, for Catherine, its the wings of love that fly you home.”
Catherine thought over her words. ‘The wings of love’ how beautiful the words sounded to her ears, and they brought tears to her eyes. Laying her head back against the high back of the armchair she sighed, as tears squeezed out from her closed lids, and Mary was beside her in an instant, “What is it Catherine, what grieves you so?”
Opening her eyes, Mary was stunned by the depth of despair within them, and all Catherine could utter was, “I love him so much Mary. How can I make him see that we belong together?”
Shaking her head, Mary told her as carefully as she could, “I don’t know the answer to that one Catherine. Vincent is a very complex and private person, he may never change, and I am afraid that Jacob has caused a lot of the problem, by instilling the fear of God into Vincent against a physical relationship with you, or any woman.”
Catherine nodded, “Does he still feel this way?”
“No, I don’t believe so. He knows how much you love Vincent and that you would never intentionally hurt him. Yet because Vincent has convinced everyone that he fights against an inner self, a bestial self, then Jacob is afraid for you, for the damage that Vincent could cause to you, and so still he works against what the two of you need.”
“I wish there was some way. Do you think the same way as Jamie that I don’t belong here? Should I return to my apartment? I still have the lease on it another year.”
“Personally, no, I think you should try to stick it out, something has got to give Catherine. You are not the only one who I have had this conversation with.”
Her eyes opened wide she whispered, “Vincent?”
Mary nodded, “Yes, believe me child, Vincent is finding it all very difficult too.”
“Having me here you mean?”
“Yes and no, he is impressed by your ability to stay despite the odds, remember child you do have an inner connection and he can when he chooses see into your heart. The last time he were with me I told him that he was wrong to keep believing he was made up of two beings. I told him, he as well as every living creature in this universe had a mother and a father and within those parents we feel either like one or the other or both at times t doesn’t necessarily mean that we are two different entities. I believe it gave him something to ponder on Catherine, though how my words can cut through a life time of Jacob’s I will never know.”
“They would have real impact Mary if they are what he wanted to hear, how do you think he accepted them?”
“Politely. You know Vincent. But you mustn’t put too much importance on how he takes them my dear, only know that he has been seeking answers also, and have hope in that.”
“Will you tell him I have been to see you, should he come again?”
“Only if you should wish it.”
“Yes. I want him to know how I am feeling. More often than not he shuts down on the Bond, even though you say he searches through it from time to time.”
“I could be your mediator Catherine but it would never solve the problem. You need to seek him out and talk to him, not cornering him with ultimatums, just talk to him. I can tell you Catherine he too is very unhappy, though he has not said as much.”
“Do you know where he is now?”
“The last time I saw him, he was heading off for a shower and a lie down in his chamber. I suppose that’s where you will find him.”
“Thank you Mary. Just talking about it has helped.”
“Then see what talking to Vincent about it could do for you. Go now child, and don’t be afraid to speak of everything your heart yearns for. This is Vincent after all, he more than most will understand.”

Her feet felt like lead as she made the journey towards Vincent’s chamber, her heart hammering in her chest. Almost two months she had lived there, at first it had been great, almost like a very long holiday, but she knew that Vincent avoided being with her too much, and that in time had grieved her. She needed him. She hadn’t come to live Below to spend time with Father, or Mouse or William. It was Vincent that she needed to be with.
Hesitating at his chamber entrance she looked timidly into the room. He was laid upon the bed, but not as she had expected, instead, he was laid upon his stomach reading a book, and did not look up when she entered. She knew, that he knew she was there, if her heart hammered any louder he would hear it let alone feel it along side his own. Suddenly the situation seemed so ridiculously funny that she laughed out loud, her tinkling laughter filling the room, making it impossible for him not to look up and grin back at her. Whatever was she thinking of, this was Vincent, the man she loved, she needn’t be afraid of him, they had conquered more problems than this. Crossing the room she sank herself onto the bed, alongside him, taking his hands in her own. He stopped grinning at her as her own laughter died on her lips, and she whispered, “What are we to do Vincent?”
Vincent looked at her for long agonising moments, “Catherine.” he spoke her name, as she closed her eyes, languishing in the pleasure his utterance brought her. Only he could get such a response from saying her name. “Catherine,” he spoke it again, “We cannot go on like this. Neither you or I are capable of withstanding the bitter sweetness of being here together, as we are, as we have been these past two months.”
Tears squeezed through her still closed lids, unable to open them for fear of what she would read in those eyes.
“Its been torture Catherine, sheer and utter torture, to have you so close, and yet to deny myself the right to have you closer still.” Slowly her eyes opened, and she literally drowned in the twin blue pools of his own loving eyes. He sighed, holding her hands tightly in his own. “If you believe that we can really achieve it...” His words faltered, “If you really need me as much as I need you...” Catherine held her breath as Vincent spoke the words she had so longed to hear; “I should like to be your lover.”
Closing her eyes once again to the onslaught of emotions that raced through her entire body, Catherine felt grateful for the firmness of the mattress beneath her. Had she of been standing when he told her, she would have fallen to her knees under the crushing weight of desire that ran through her. Only she could stare at him, words lost to her, and funnily enough when she could at last speak found only one word would come out, and it made him laugh, “When?”
She laughed too, the sound of their joined expression relieved the moment, as he slithered himself off the bed to pull her up alongside him, and fasten his lips to her own in one swift movement that left her stunned.
His eyes burned into her own, leaving her in no doubt of the answer, nonetheless, she heard his reply as he chuckled between kisses, “Is now too soon?”
Grinding her thighs against his, gave him the answer he needed, and he groaned, closing his eyes to the wave after wave of desire that flooded his entire being, and Catherine could hardly contain herself as his hands now given the confirmation to stray were everywhere.
“Wait”, she told him, as his kisses burned fiery trials down her throat to bury his face between her breasts that ached for his mouths sweet caress, “Wait.” She begged him, the word dragged from her as if her voice and her body were separated by another room.
Vincent stopped to search her eyes, “What now.” He growled, “If you stop me, we can never retrace this step Catherine. I don’t think I could bear it any more.”
“I don’t want you to stop Vincent, I love you, and I want this so much, but there is something else that I want more.”
Momentarily stunned and amused nonetheless, he took a step backwards, still holding onto her hands, “What could you want that could possibly be better than this Catherine?”
The pain of his desire evident, Catherine licked her suddenly very dry lips, did she have the right to ask him, it had never mattered with any of her past lovers, why did it matter so much now?
“Marriage.” She heard herself say, “I want to marry you.”
He laughed then, and Catherine felt relieved by the laughter, “You don’t do anything by halves do you Catherine? Anyway I thought it was up to the man to ask that question?”
“It is. But would you ever ask it, would you ever believe it was right for us?”
“Once perhaps not, but now I believe anything is possible. Compared to making love to you Catherine, marriage, the all important thing, becomes the most easiest of all to do.”
“You are still afraid of making love to me?”
“A little, but I’m learning not to be.”
Catherine laughed, “Oh Vincent I love you.”
“I should hope so too. I’m not the type to sleep with anybody.” His jovial banter amused her, he was teasing her, keeping her waiting, he knew it, she knew it, and it was fun. “Yes Catherine.” He finally resigned himself to the inevitable, “I will marry you, but only if you promise me, I don’t have to wait until after we are married to take up from where you have made me leave off.” Laughing Catherine hugged him tightly, and kissed him, when suddenly a bolt as if of lighting hit her, a feeling of belonging that she had never known in her entire life, and Vincent tilted his head to survey her closely, “What is it my love?”
Shaking her head, the tears of joy ran down her face, “I’ve found it Vincent, I’ve found it! Your love has given me everything for which I yearned and more besides. Can you not feel it in me?”
Stilling himself to listen to the wondrous beat of her heart alongside his own, Vincent recognised the very thing that had never before been present within her, and as he came to accept it, a great sense of actually belonging somewhere washed over him. Vincent nodded, “Yes,” he whispered. For Mary had told him the same thing, and though he had always lived in his underground world, he had never truly felt as though he belonged there either. And now he felt this wondrous, joyous feeling of finding a secure haven at last, yet knowing for a certainty that it was not the solid rock of the underground world that had become his stronghold, but instead the soft and loving arms of the woman he loved.
Sighing with pleasure Catherine could not help speaking her feelings aloud, “Mary was right Vincent, it is true love that makes all the difference, that and the acceptance that we can make it together.”
“Yes, it was after my talk with Mary, that everything began to slip into its rightful place. Though I was still pondering her words when you entered my chamber. It wasn’t until you laughed that I knew where I wanted to be within our relationship. Your laughter took away the edge of fear Catherine that had still been present within me since I spoke with Mary.”
“Oh Vincent, I have been so miserable, even being here close to you, I’ve not felt as though I belonged here.”
“I know. Yet you persisted, and I was proud of that persistence, and I am sure we can find you something to do now to occupy your time. Children perhaps?”
Catherine’s eyes opened wide. He was offering her the world did he know it? A smile that lit her eyes, gave him the only answer he needed and as he captured her lips beneath his own once again, Catherine submitted herself totally to his overpowering love, knowing without a doubt that she belonged somewhere, truly belonged and she felt safe and secure, at last.